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But this – what Declan was making me feel – this was something I was very relieved not to have missed out on because it felt so bloody amazing.
The feelings within me built to the point where I was sure I was about to fall over the edge of a cliff, into some endless, bottomless abyss. At that, my desire and desperation turned into a little bit of fear. I didn’t know what to expect really and I was scared, and not afraid to admit it.
“Declan,” I uttered, and instantly he was there, laid over me, his hand still working me between us, but his other holding me against his chest, his lips gently brushing over mine as he both soothed me, and pushed me higher and higher.
“I’m here, beautiful. Let go. It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just let go and trust me to catch you,” he told me. That was the right thing to say, because as scared as I was feeling, I had no doubt in my mind that Declan would always be there to catch me.
And he was. As I fell over that cliff edge and plunged into the unknown, I found it not to be an abyss that awaited me, but peace, where all of the noise and fear of my past was drowned out; where everything was removed from my crazy, over active mind, and in its place there was just me, my immense pleasure, and the man who was holding me so tight, I couldn’t feel anything but safe.
“Blake? You okay?” Declan asked after several minutes of nothing but the distant sounds of the ocean and my panting breaths as I returned to earth. I was still clinging tight to him, refusing to ease up even a bit to allow us to separate. “Talk to me now, tiger. You’re worrying me.”
“I can’t,” I told him, my words muffled because my face was pressed into the space between his shoulder and neck.
“You can’t? Why not?”
“I think I might be dead. Or high. Is th-this what it feels like t-to be high?” I asked, my head spinning and my mind feeling a little hazy.
“You’re not dead,” he chuckled. “And being high, in my experience, doesn’t feel anywhere near that good.”
“Being high feels bad?” I asked as I sat back enough to look up at him. It certainly never looked that way when I watched my mum and her loser mates laid out with stupid fucking smiles on their faces when they were out of it.
“I guess not for most, but the two times I tried it I just ended up smashing shit up, then puking until I feared organs would come out,” he admitted, making me giggle.
“I’ll just stick to the orgasms then,” I told him, then froze and turned bright red when I realised what I’d said.
“I like that plan,” Declan agreed, easing my panic some.
“I c-can’t believe I did it, and it was good. Really good,”
“Just good? I think I’m going to need a do over if all you thought it ranked was good,” he pouted.
“Oh no! It was better than good, Dec. It was amazing. I just…I read a lot of books, but I never imagined it could f-feel like that,” I told him honestly.
“That was just a warm up, Blake. I can make you feel so much more than that. Just you wait,” he teased and once again I felt that need building up within me. Was that normal? Should I be wanting more when Declan had just satisfied my needs once already?
I shut down the thoughts. The evening had been so perfect after such a stressful day, and I just wanted to continue enjoying it with Declan. I’d leave my doubts, worries and insecurities to be dealt with tomorrow. For that night I just wanted to embrace whoever it was that Declan had brought out in me, because she was far braver and more confident than I had ever been.
CHAPTER 23
BLAKE
Okay, cue doubts worries and insecurities because I was freaking out the next morning.
The rest of the night before, with Dec, had really been magical. Declan had opened the champagne and we’d sipped a couple of glasses as we lay back looking at the imaginary stars and just chatting about nothing of consequence. It had been amazing and I knew it had brought Declan and I closer than we’d been before.
When he’d walked me to my room after we checked in on a still sleeping Grey, he had left me with a fiery, unforgettable kiss that had left me squirming as I climbed into bed, and led me deep in to hot and sweaty dreams of him, and all of my guys, all night long.
But now it was the next morning and I was having a minor meltdown about what I had done with Declan. The meltdown had started the minute I woke up and had continued silently in my head throughout our physio session which we were now nearing the end of, thank heavens!
I had two issues. One, was that I was having my usual mental freakout that I had made the wrong decision in doing what I had with Declan – that it had been too soon and that I had been stupid to give into my need for him because it was likely down to my lack of impulse control. And two, was that no matter how unsure about it all I was in my head, and how much I was freaking out, I also could not concentrate on anything I was doing that morning because all I could imagine was Declan sweeping me to the mats and doing it all over again.
“Come on, Blake. Last five minutes. Focus,” Declan barked at me, the events of the night before clearly having not mellowed his usual attitude in any way.
As always by the end of our session, I was sweaty and exhausted and my leg muscles, which still had a long way to go to build back up, were screaming at me to stop. That day though, it was all made worse by the thoughts swirling around in my head. I couldn’t stop worrying what Grey and the twins would think of what Declan and I had done. They had assured me they were all good with me being with all of them but would that still stand when they found out I had been intimate with Declan? Surely there would be some level of jealousy or resentment?
“Okay, enough. We’re calling it a day before you break a fucking leg or something,” Declan barked as he stormed over to where I had just tripped epically over the corner of one of the mats and landed on my hands and knees. “What’s going on?” he asked as he crouched down beside me where I had remained on all fours just trying to make myself calm down. “Are you okay?” he asked me for the sixth time that morning.
“Of course,” I lied as I sat back on my bottom and looked up at him. “Just tired.”
