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“No problem.” I got out of the car, rooting around in my handbag for my keys as Bruce backed out of the drive. No. Leaving right now didn’t feel right. I had to do something to help, and there was only one thing I really knew how to do. I checked to see if the front door was unlocked and smiled when it opened easily under my hand. I had work to do and no time to waste.
CHAPTER10
Gabe
Shattered. Numb. That’s how I felt as I drove my truck from Bruce and Ellen’s place back to mine. When I got there, I dimly registered Ally’s car was still there, but my mind was whirling so much I barely paid attention. When I stepped inside, I was surprised to see her in my kitchen, washing dishes.
“Hey,” she said softly, looking at me over her shoulder.
“Hi. What are you…?”
Her eyes followed me as I moved to the dining table, pulled out a chair and sat down heavily.
“Well… Um… I wasn’t sure what would happen next, or what you would need, so I made some dinners for two and stuck them in the freezer. I mean, I know it’s not much and it’s a bit lame, but I had to…”
“It’s not lame.”
She went back to cleaning up. “So, how’s Jesse?”
“I have no idea. Ellen gave him some dinner, we watched tv for a bit, then he said he wanted to go to bed. He’s so quiet, you can barely get a word out of him to see how he’s feeling.”
“Poor kid. He must be so confused by everything. What happens next?”
“Well, Ellen has suggested we get a paternity test done, because it solves a whole lot of legal problems. It might make it easier for Jesse, too, to have that certainty.”
“What if it’s negative?”
“It won’t be.”
“Then…what? He just comes to live with you, for good?”
“I guess so. Where else would he go? It’s not like we can send him back to his mother and there’s no way I’d let him go into ‘the system’. Why would I, when I’m perfectly capable of looking after him myself?”
“Fair enough.” Her voice was quiet, soothing, like she could tell how utterly wiped out I was and wanted to treat me gently.
“It just guts me, you know?”
“I bet.”
“He’s super polite and well-behaved, but the way that his mom just left him with a pack of strangers, without so much as a fuckinghug,tells me everything I need to know about her.”
“Yeah.”
“All that is shitty enough, obviously. But I’m trying not to think of the other side. My side. Of everything that I missed. Like, what was he like as a baby? When did he take his first steps? What’s his favorite tv show? Does he like to read? And the worst one - What was his first word? Because fuck knows, it wasn’t dad.”
“Gabe, shh. You’re torturing yourself about something you can’t change.”
“Of course I am! I’ve had a son living a few hours away and I never knew. I’ll never be able to make up for that lost time.”
“No, but you can be the best dad you can be from now on.” She brought me a glass of water and put it on the table. “You can give Jesse the life he deserves.”
She was right. I could totally do that. The idea filled me with an equal mix of hope and fear and it was almost overwhelming. Without even thinking about it, I snaked my arm around her waist and pulled her close, letting out a breath when she wrapped an arm around my shoulders in wordless comfort, resting her cheek on the top of my head.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but eventually I leaned back, about to tell her she could go if she wanted. But the words died on my lips when I saw the endless sympathy in her eyes when they met mine, and when she reached to brush the hair back from my forehead, her touch light and gentle. My arm tightened around her waist and she slowly lowered her head, brushing a whisper-light kiss across my lips that set my blood singing. The sigh she let out skittered across my skin, spiking my heart rate so much that I couldn’t help myself. I opened my lips, running my tongue across hers, holding her close when she sank into my lap.
As we kissed, and I ran a hand down the bare skin of her leg, I felt all my tension drain away, wanting nothing more than to bury myself in her. Forget everything, just for a moment. Her hands roamed over me, along my shoulders, through my hair, down my back as her tongue tangled with mine and I felt her breathing deepen.
“You know what we should do?”
