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“What’s that?” I asked, sliding my hand up her back, pushing my fingers through her hair, pulling her gently to me.
“We should go to bed.”
I leaned back, searching her eyes for a long moment. The sympathy had gone, replaced by a warm glow of need. “I guess we should.”
Still holding her, I got to my feet, carrying her down the hall to my room. The minute I put her down, her hands went to the hem of my shirt, lifting it up. I pulled it all the way off, then gave her the same treatment, trailing my fingers along her bare skin, undoing her bra and dropping it to the floor. It was slow and leisurely, so different compared to last time. I revelled in that, in taking our time, and when we were fully naked, I pulled her to the bed and stretched out next to her.
It was a gentle, unhurried exploration of each other’s bodies, until the hunger finally overtook us and Ally pushed me onto my back, reaching into the nightstand for a condom, ripping the foil open with her teeth and rolling it on me. Her eyes were hot on my face as she straddled me, her hands either side of my head on the pillow. I held her hips as she slowly lowered herself, letting out a deep, shuddering breath as she took me fully inside her.
Her movements were slow, building that coiling, curling heat until she couldn’t hold back anymore. When I felt the first fluttering of her orgasm, I let go, so that we came at the same time, her lips on mine. She collapsed on top of me, her face pressed against my neck as she caught her breath. I held her tight, my lips in her strawberry scented hair, inhaling her while our heart rates slowly recovered.
Dragging her head up, she made a move to get off the bed.
“Stay.” The word flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to think it through. I was sure she wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, because that’s how these things usually went with her, but I needed her closeness tonight. “I mean, if you want to.”
She closed her eyes for a brief moment, maybe fighting with herself, and when she opened them again they were clouded with uncertainty. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding in when she nodded briefly, moving off me to let me get up to use the bathroom.
I came back, pulling her into my arms so her head was resting on my shoulder. She was tense at first, so I ran my hand in soothing strokes up and down her side, from shoulder to hip, until she finally relaxed. I lay there a while longer, thinking about Jesse. I pushed away the sadness and regret for what I’d missed, for what I hadn’t been able to give him, and focused instead on the future. On what I would do for him from now on, what kind of dad I would be for him. I finally dropped asleep with my hand over Ally’s where it rested on my chest, and her quiet breathing in my ear.
CHAPTER11
Ally
Fuck, this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have stayed over. Come to think of it, I shouldn’t have taken Gabe to bed at all last night. The way he’d looked though, so broken and sad, I’d felt overcome with the need to do something for him. My options were pretty much fuck him or make him cannoli and I’d already made him some dinners. But anyway, this was all getting way too cozy for my comfort level. The fact that I’d just broken my ‘No Sleepovers’ rule was proof of that.You’re just too fucking much, Ally. I can’t do this with you anymore.Well, fuck you Josh, and your stupid way of getting into my head at the worst possible times.
Feeling way too agitated to lie still any longer, I glanced over at Gabe, lying on his stomach, his head turned away from me. I needed to get out of here quick before he woke up, because the last thing I needed was for him to get up and tell me to go. How humiliating. It was better if I was gone before it came to that. Much better. I eased out of bed, putting my clothes on as quietly as possible.
Gabe stirred slightly but didn’t wake, so I took a moment to admire how gorgeous he looked lying there before sneaking out of the room like the fucking coward that I was.
I got into my car, glancing down at the Coopers’ place, wondering if they were up yet. I couldn’t help but think about how Jesse must be feeling, waking up in a house full of strangers, his possible dad just three doors down. What a supremely fucked up situation.
All sorts of emotions welled up inside me and I had to blink back tears as I pulled out of Gabe’s drive, not exactly sure who the tears were for. Definitely for Jesse, a poor kid whose mother didn’t love him enough to keep him. For Gabe, too, for his pain and for what he’d missed out on and could never have back. And lastly, for myself, for feeling all sorts of things I really,reallyshouldn’t. For letting myself get closer than I could handle. For knowing that it was well and truly time to pull back, bail, e-fucking-ject. Get out now before it got worse. It wasn’t like Gabe needed any more support. He had plenty, between Jake and the Coopers. I’d just get in the way, mess things up. It wasmuchbetter to just leave him to it.
* * *
Igot back to my loft apartment in New Bern, showered and dressed, then just…moped. I never fucking moped. This was going to be a bit harder to move on from than I’d realized. That was fine. I could deal. The trick was to keep busy. On that thought, even though it was way too early, I decided to head into the restaurant. There was always something to do at work. I could get started on tonight’s ravioli.
Mom was there when I arrived, in the kitchen by herself, making a red sauce.
“Hi. Good to see you’re over your cold.”
“Good morning, darling. Thank you. You’re not scheduled for lunch, are you?”
“No, I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I thought I may as well come in and get some prep done for tonight. Ravioli is the special tonight, yeah?”
“Yes, perfect. You can get started on that while I sit down for a bit. The sauce just has to simmer now, but I can chop all the herbs without standing up. My back is killing me.”
“Sure.”
Mom pulled a stool up to the counter and I handed her piles of fresh basil and oregano, a chopping board and a knife. “Papa said you went out to the farm yesterday morning with Gabe. How did that go?”
Was that really only yesterday morning? It seemed like a lifetime ago. “Good.” Wow, how normal my voice sounded. “He drew up some plans, I guess he’ll bring them in when he’s ready.” Actually, how was that going to work now? How was he going to balance work and a kid? Not just any kid, either – a kid that no doubt needed a hell of a lot of emotional repair work. Well. It was none of my business, was it?
“He’s a nice boy, Gabe. Papa likes him a lot.”
“I’m sure he does.”
I felt Mom’s gaze on me, but I kept my eyes down, focussing on mixing the flour with my hands rather than the mixer. The simple, familiar action was calming.
