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“So awful.”
“Yeah.” He was silent for a while, and I thought the conversation was over. But then he surprised me. “There was some beauty in it, though.”
“Really?” I almost whispered the question, forcing it around the lump in my throat.
“Yeah. Being able to look after her, read to her…love her. We had a chance to say all the things we needed to say to each other.” He paused, blowing out a shaky breath. “Even though I was still a kid, I understood that, cherished it. Then, just before she died, while she was still coherent, she told me not to bury my grief. To feel all the feelings, sit with them, live with them. I took her words to heart, and somehow, over time, it became less agonizing, and I could breathe again. I think that happened because I didn’t shy away from my feelings. That was her last gift to me.”
“Still, it must have been so hard.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, it definitely was. And I wish, every day, that she was still here. God, she’d love Jesse to the moon and back. I couldn’t imagine anything better than having her here, to help with him.”
I wasn’t sure I could take any more heartbreak.
“And then there’s Jake, of course. I try not to torture myself about it, but I do wonder how different he might be if it weren’t for what happened to Mom. If there was something I should have done better, or more I could have given him.”
I sat up, trying to read his expression in the shadowed darkness. “I think that’s a little harsh. You were just a kid yourself.”
“I guess.” He smoothed my hair back from my forehead. “Anyway, do you feel better now?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I won’t lie to you, Allegra. If it does turn out to be bad news, you’ve got a tough, painful road ahead. But you’ll get through it, by loving your dad and looking after your mom.”
“Thank you.”
With his hand on the back of my head, he pulled me gently forward and pressed a tender kiss to my forehead. “Now go back to sleep, if you can.”
“Okay.” Instead of moving away and curling into a ball on my own, I let myself snuggle into his side, my head on his shoulder and my hand over his heart.
I was asleep in no time at all.
CHAPTER30
Gabe
Morning sunshine streamed in through the kitchen window. The house was still perfectly quiet. I leaned back in my chair at the kitchen table, legs stretched out, scrolling a news website on my tablet. It was nearly nine and I’d been up for an hour but didn’t want to wake anyone. I figured Ally needed the sleep after last night. My heart ached for her, but I felt good that I’d been able to help her, even a little. And that she’d accepted the help, of course. Her “fine, whatever,” was as much as she was prepared to give me at this point, but I’d take it.
All I had to do now wasnotthink about the significance of her acceptance of my help, and how I felt about all of that. Because I loved knowing she was sleeping in my bed. That I could make her coffee when she woke, that we could have breakfast together. If she stuck around, of course, which was an open question. I wasn’t going to pressure her, but given how she’d been during the night, I didn’t think she should be on her own. The big question was how to get her to agree to stay until her dad’s results came back.
Light footsteps came down the hallway, and I felt my heart squeeze when Ally stepped into the room, looking unbelievably gorgeous in my shirt, her hair still all mussed. She came toward me, an unreadable expression in her eyes. Then she slipped into my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck, and rested her head on my shoulder. The sigh she let out when I wrapped my arms around her in return blew straight through me. She hardly ever initiated affection that was non-sexual, and this felt like a big deal to me. I couldn’t say how long we sat like that for, holding each other wordlessly, but I instantly missed her warmth against me when she finally leaned back, brushed a light kiss across my lips and got to her feet, padding into the kitchen.
“We’ll go to your place today, pick up some clothes and stuff. Enough to last until the results come back.”
She paused slightly, then resumed walking to the coffee machine, where she kept her back to me while she poured herself a mug. I braced myself for arguments, resistance, or outright refusal, but she turned back, resting a hip against the counter and taking a sip of coffee, watching me over the rim of her mug. “Fine. Whatever.”
I bit back a smile. That was much easier than I was expecting.
“Think I might make breakfast.”
“Don’t worry about it, I can do it,” I said, watching her open the fridge door and bend over to peruse the contents.Now is not the time to check out her ass, dude.
“I feel like doing it, unless you want to?”
Of course. She needed something to keep herself busy. “No, it’s fine, go for it. What are you thinking of making?’
“Eggs benedict? You’ve got plenty of butter and I’ve still got tons of eggs from last night.”
“Sounds great.”
