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It was a statement, not a question, but I confirmed it anyway. “I do.”
“Then let’s hope for the best, yeah?”
“Okay.”
“Ah, here she is.”
I watched the love of my life walking through the crowds of people, sunlight glistening on her dark curls. Her step faltered when she saw me sitting on the rug with Zara, but she lifted her chin and came forward.
“Hello.”
“Hi.” Christ, she was so unbelievably gorgeous.
“Where is everyone?”
“Bruce and Ellen have taken the kids to see Fergus and Evangeline, Lucy and Dante are wandering through the market stalls, and oh look there’s my husband, gotta go.” Zara sprang to her feet on the words and headed off to Matt, without looking back at either of us.
That left Ally looking hesitantly around, possibly for an escape. But there wasn’t one, so she sat down on the blanket. “How’s Jesse?”
“Great. Baseball’s going really well.”
“Yeah, he’s been telling me about it. His first home run. Amazing.” She looked down, picking a stray leaf off the blanket and running it through her hands. “You don’t mind?”
“What?”
“That he texts me?” Her voice was quiet and unsure, so unlike her usual self.
“She seems pretty cut up, to me, if that helps.”“No, Allegra.”
Her eyes shot to mine in surprise, and…something else. She looked away before I could catch it. I felt a beyond overwhelming urge to drag her into my arms, tell her I loved her again and kiss her senseless, but I didn’t. Instead, I just stood up, saying, “I’m gonna go find him. He’ll want to know you’re here.”
“Okay.”
I walked away, looking around for Jesse. As I did so, my gaze skimmed over Ally. She was watching me, her lip caught between her teeth, her hands twisting together.
Maybe,I thought. But it didn’t feel like enough to pin any hopes on.
CHAPTER42
Ally
Sick of it, that’s what I was. Just fucking sick of it. All of it. The circular thoughts zooming around in my mind that just wouldn’t shut up. The feeling that kept trying to push past all the fear, all the shame, all the anger inside me. So much confusion. I couldn’t reconcile any of it. I just sat on my couch, hugging a pillow, staring up at the ceiling, as if all the answers I was looking for were in the flat, white expanse up there.
But of course they weren’t.
My phone beeped.
Jesse:Hi Allegra
Me:Hey, kiddo. What’s up?
Jesse:We have a big game this Sunday and Dad said I could ask you if you wanted to come
I went to reply, but the dots appeared again, letting me know he was still typing, so I waited.
Jesse:But he also said you might not want to, and that’s ok. But you do want to, don’t you?
Tears blurred my vision and I had to take a deep breath before I could type.
