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Me:Yes, Jesse. I do want to. I’ll be there no matter what.
Jesse:Yay! I told Dad you’d say yes
I let out a huge, body-shaking sob.
Me:I’ll see you on Sunday.
I dropped the phone, pressed my face into the cushion and wept. I’d had no idea when I walked out of Gabe’s house that day how much it would hurt to leave Jesse as well. But Jesus fucking Christ, did it hurt. So much. Ilovedthat kid, goddammit. That was why, even though I knew it was only going to set me up for more confusing torture, I’d said yes to Sunday. And also, why there was a huge part of me that was looking forward to it.
* * *
Iwas running a little late, so the game had already started when I got to the diamond. Good. I could engineer it that I wasn’t standing too close to Gabe. Ellen smiled at me when I moved in next to her.
“How’s he doing?” I asked her quietly.
“Hasn’t batted yet, but he’ll be up soon. You got here just in time.”
“Perfect.” When he stepped up to the plate, I felt a weird, anxious feeling as he swung the bat, got himself into position, and waited patiently for the pitch. His form had improved so much since that day in Gabe’s yard, and I loved to see it. “Come on, kiddo,” I said under my breath.
He got a strike on the first pitch and I gasped, instinctively looking to Gabe. Because of course I’d found him in the stands. He was as calm as ever, standing with his hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on his son. But his lips were moving, like he was praying. That almost made me smile. Almost.
Well, if Gabe was praying, a higher power heard him, because Jesse hit the next pitch with perfect timing, dropped the bat and took off like a shot. He got all the way to third base, just in front of us. Everyone was clapping and cheering, including me. Jesse turned around, one foot planted on the base, and looked into the stands. His face split into a huge grin when he saw me and he gave me an enthusiastic wave. “Hi, Allegra!”
I waved back, smiling, but my smile turned to a frown when I noticed he was working hard to suck in air. I mimed using his puffer and he nodded, pulling it from his back pocket and dragging on it.
Gabe turned his head and his gaze pierced straight through me. So hot and intense. Swallowing, I forced myself to look away.
The rest of the game went really well, and Jesse’s team came away with the win. Everyone was allowed onto the diamond to congratulate them, and I laughed when Jesse bounced straight into my arms and gave me a big hug.
“Did you see my big hit? That’s called a triple!”
“I sure did! I got here just in time. It was amazing!”
“I’ve been practicing with Dad.”
“I hope you haven’t broken any more windows.”
He giggled. “Not yet. Are you gonna come to the diner with us? Dad said I can have a milkshake.”
I bit my lip, glancing at Gabe. “You’re more than welcome to come if you want.”
“Pleeeeease?”
The kid was irresistible. “Okay, I’d love to.”
The coach called the team together for a post-game rundown, which left me standing with Gabe. “He’s come such a long way.”
“He has.”
“And he calls you Dad now. That’s pretty amazing.”
“Yeah, it sure was a moment when he did it the first time.”
I felt such an overwhelming sense of loss, that I hadn’t been there for that, that he hadn’t told me about it at the time, that it took the air from my lungs.
“Anyway, I’ll see you at the diner.”
He walked away and I watched him go. This was it, I realized. This was my future. If I didn’t leave what happened with Josh firmly in the past, I was doomed to spend the rest of my life watching Gabe walk away from me. And all of a sudden, it was too much. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I dredged up the memory, tried to recall the sound of the derisive laughter, picture the sneer on Josh’s face in my mind. But I couldn’t. Because Gabe’s face was there now instead and it was his words ringing in my ears. “You’re so much fun, so loyal, so gorgeous, and funny, and smart, and hot. I love you, Allegra.”And I loved him. So much. What I thought I’d felt for Josh was barely a tiny, pale flicker compared to this inferno that raged inside me. So much love. It filled me up and—
