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“I can handle it.” Killion set the bottle down and busied himself with tossing out the little storage bags they’d used in the bottles and wiping down the counters.
“I know you can too. Just as soon as you wrap your mind around it, understand it, and work through it.”
He tossed the washcloth across the kitchen to the sink, and his arms flailed out to his sides in frustration. “I-I don’t know how. I don’t know how to do any of that, Aye.”
“Sure, you do.” She countered. “And we’re all here to help you through it. First step is… let go.”
“Let go of what?”
“Oh boy… for a literal genius, you can be awfully dense sometimes.” She snickered. “Ma always did say that the complex things were second nature to you, everyday things… not so much.”
“That’s pretty much how it works, Aye.” He shrugged. “Feel free to elaborate and let me know what it is you’re trying to say.”
“You can do this, Killion –– all of it. And it’s okay to be angry with her and still love her at the same time.”
Killion looked everywhere but at Ayelish. “I… I don’t.”
“You do,” Ayelish corrected. “And no matter how much you don’t want to, you still do. That’s how you know it’s the real deal. I know you don’t understand everything racing through your mind right now, and that’s okay, but feel it. Okay? Feel all of it. It’s part of healing and will help you make sense of it all.”
When an alarm sounded, Killion looked at his watch and quickly clicked the side to silence it. “The babies should be waking up soon. Don’t want them to wake Rainy.”
Ayelish nodded in understanding and walked back toward the bedrooms with him, each with a bottle.
Killion paused. “Aye?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not angry. Not anymore and honestly I think anger fleeted the moment I saw her lying on the sidewalk, lifeless, next to you. Car turned on its top, Langley’s dead body off to the side. There was so much blood…” Killion’s voice quaked. “All I could think about was Rainy and the babies and how I didn’t get the chance to know anything about them, or her… where she’d been or why she left. I prayed, Aye. I sat on my knees and pulled her into my lap, and I prayed I’d get to know the babies and get to talk to her again.”
A tear ran down her cheek as Ayelish reached for her brother’s hand. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It must’ve been awful for you. For all of you there that day.”
“Then why are the others fine. Just going about their days.” Killion asked. “Why am I different?”
“You aren’t all that different in that regard. Everyone deals with things differently, brother. You had different stakes, more on the line. I know Wit has been glued to my side since. He’s struggling with it too –– probably said the same prayer next to you on the sidewalk,” Ayelish admitted. “Even I struggle, Killion. Riding in a car, seeing vehicles like the one Langley was in, hearing loud bangs, it all shakes me to my core. Can you imagine what it was like for Rainy? Given her past on top of it all?”
Killion nodded.
“Listen, just because someone doesn’t wear it all on their sleeve like you are doesn’t mean they aren’t going through it, okay. They are. The difference is you’re invested on an entirely different level than you ever have before. It feels different because it is different this time.”
“I’m not angry. I know everyone thinks I am, but I’m not.” He went on. “I think I’m… I think I’m scared, and I don’t have the first clue as to why.”
“I know you are.” Ayelish smiled sweetly, raising her brow as she looked him in the eye. “Love will do that.”
Surprise washed over Killion as he pulled away slightly, his head tilting to one side while furrowing his brow. It was as if it was the first time he’d heard the word love and here it was, attached to Rainy. Of course, he loved his children, that was a given. There was something so innocent and pure about them that he felt a sense of relief and calm simply by having them near… until that growing fear whittled its way through the cracks and consumed every thought again. But Rainy? He cared for her, sure. She would always be an important person in his life as the mother of his children, but love? She’d put an end to that the day she left, out of the blue, all those months ago. Right?
He briskly shook his head like he was shaking off the thought and continued into to the nursery, Ayelish alongside him. As they approached, he could hear baby coo sounds and a soft voice prompting him to move faster. When he gently pushed the door open, he found Rainy sitting in the rocker, nursing pillows filling her lap and both babies nursing while she spoke sweet nothings to them.
Ayelish patted Killion on the shoulder and handed Killion the bottle she’d been carrying.
Ayelish offered a gentle smile and wave to Rainy, who weakly smiled back. “I’ll let myself out. You two know where to find me if you need anything.”
“Thank you,” Rainy whispered. “For everything, Aye.”
“It’s been my pleasure. That’s what family does,” Ayelish said, looking up at Killion. “We take care of each other.”
8
Ayelish disappeared behind Killion and they could hear the front door quietly close in the distance, alerting them that she’d indeed left. Killion, however, remained in the nursery doorway, unsure what to do or say, holding the bottles.
