I study her for a moment. “You’re ready?”
She nods.
After I roll on the condom, I position myself over her. As soon as I place myself at her opening, she stops breathing. I barely press my way in, and she winces. I freeze.
“Does it hurt?” I ask.
“No.”
I narrow my eyes. “Are you lying?”
She shakes her head. “No.”
“Why did you flinch?”
She’s still stiff as a board under me. “I told you – this is really scary.”
“Fuck, Maggie, let’s not do this.”
She grabs my biceps and looks up at me with those blue eyes. “Please.”
I study her for a moment without moving. “You have to breathe. You’re so tense right now.”
She lets out a long exhale and then I say, “I’m going to go really slowly, and I’ll be gentle. We can stop at any point. If it’s not feeling right, just tell me. I don’t want to hurt you. Please, Maggie, tell me if I’m hurting you.”
She nods and then takes a deep breath in through her nose. I press my lips to hers again. When she parts her lips, I plunge my tongue inside. Her body softens a little as we kiss, and I nudge my way in just slightly more. My body is screaming to be inside her, but I take my time. After a few minutes, she relaxes her hips and drops her legs further apart so I can slide in a little more. We continue this way, kissing until she’s ready for more of me until I’m completely sheathed inside her. Once I’m buried all the way in, I stop and let her adjust.
“Is it feeling okay?” I ask, brushing a kiss against her cheek.
She nods. “How about for you?”
I laugh. “Me?”
She looks away and says, “Yeah. Does it feel okay for you? I’m sure things have changed.”
I kiss her forehead and say, “The only thing that feels different for me is that you normally breathe when I fuck you.”
She laughs. “Fair point.”
I run my hand through her hair. As I take her in, I’m overcome with all she’s done the last few months. The sacrifices she’s made. The changes to her body. The pain she’s endured.
“I...” I nearly blurt outI love you, but I catch myself. She looks up at me in confusion waiting for me to continue.
“I... I’ve missed this,” I stammer.
She smiles. “I’ve missed this too. I’m ready.”
She rolls her hips my direction, and I slowly start to move. As much as I’d like to crash into her with the force of my whole body, I keep it as gentle as I can, watching for any cues that she’s uncomfortable. After a few minutes she says, “I’m not going to be able to come.”
I stop moving.
“Don’t stop.” She squeezes my biceps.
“Well, do you want to do something different or...”
She cuts me off. “No. I want you to finish.”
“Mags, honestly that feels weird.” I start to pull out. She digs her fingers into my arms.