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“Not forever.”
She purses her lips together.
“I’m just supposed to pretend this kid isn’t mine?”
“Well, he or she won’t be yours. You won’t be the father.”
“But I will.”
“But you won’t.”
I rub one of my eyes.
“My lawyer will make up a contract before we start. You’ll sign away all parental rights and claims to custody, and I will never seek any child support. We’ll make sure it isn’t messy.”
“Messy? What will you say when this kid starts to ask questions? You won’t even tell then?”
She sighs. “I don’t know, Declan. It gets more complicated if we don’t keep it a complete secret.”
“I can’t keep that a secret forever. I think this kid deserves to know.”
She considers this for a moment and then says, “I guess when they are old enough to start asking questions. I’ll answer them truthfully. How’s that?”
“I could live with that.”
We sit in silence for a moment, sipping our coffee. She finally sets hers down and looks up at me with big, watery green eyes. “Declan, I want this more than anything in the world.”
I just breathe in and out through my nose.
“I don’t want to pressure you.”
Yesterday freaked me out. I don’t normally freak out – about anything. It caught me by surprise. I spent the whole night thinking about it, and I realized two things. First, I realized I’m terrified to lose her, and that completely freaked me out because she’s not mine and up until last night I didn’t even think I’d want anyone to be mine much less Maggie.
Secondly, I realized I’d say yes to anything she asked. She could have asked me to cut off my right hand at the dinner table last night, and I would have fucking done it. She could have asked me for a kidney or a million dollars. I would have said yes. And I’m going to say yes to this. Even though I see a hundred different ways this could go wrong, I’m going to say yes.
Her eyes are just scanning my face. I take her hand and pull her over until she’s sitting in my lap. She wraps her arm around my shoulder, and I say, “Where are these fucking papers?”
