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“Maybe I was just gay for the stay, you know.”
Ash slapped Nix on the face. “You are talking out of your ass now, Nix.”
Nix’s head had snapped to the left under the force of Ash’s not too delicate slap. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, and you fucked me, we kissed, Nix, and you liked it. And you can never go back now, Nixy boy.”
Nix looked down, but clung on still.
“I ruined you for life, don’t you understand that? You are mine, and you are lying to yourself if you think you can stay away from me. If you think you can just forget me. You can’t. Those sins we committed, you can’t just ask for forgiveness and the slate is wiped clean. Nix, you’re a fucking sinner and you will continue to sin again, and you will like it. And you will be sinning right next to me until the end, Nix, do you hear me?”
Nix heard him. But Nix had his eyes closed and was shaking his head.
“I have broken you, Nix, you are not whole without me, I’m here to stay, and whatever little game you are trying to play, whatever you think you can do for the rest of your stay, it ain’t gonna happen.”
“Ash, please…” he heard Nix sob.
Ash was worried now. And the only way he could show it in a way that Nix would understand is anger.
“Shut the fuck up, Nix,” Ash’s voice was beginning to crack. “I am getting out today, the MC is here for me, I’m going to go back and help to build the biggest, baddest MC in the state of California. So you sit tight, you hear me? You hunker down and bed in and do whatever the fuck you gotta do, ‘cause I’m not going anywhere, Nix, do you hear me? I am staying with you. Right here. And my big bad MC and I are going to get you out, and you are going to come and join us and be a member of the MC-”
“I can’t, Ash.”
“You can, and you will. And whatever fucking doubt has clouded your brain here will melt away. Okay?”
“Don’t come. Don’t come back for me…”
“Shut the fuck up Nix,” Ash said, grabbing Nix’s jaw, silencing him with a kiss. More like a bite. Anything to stop Nix uttering any more hateful words.
“I fucking love you, Nix, and there is nothing you can say or do that would change that.”
Ash grabbed Nix’s head, pulled it into his chest. He didn’t care if the IV line pulled out of Nix’s arm, or he caught whatever bruises or injury’s Nix had going on under that sheet. “And I’ve fucked you up so much that you love me, too, huh?”
Nix’s blue and amber eyes bored into him. Heavy and sad and watering. Ash realized he had water on his own cheeks, too. Tears. His tears.
Ash kept talking because he didn’t know what else to do. “I hate you for doing this, Nix, but I still fucking own you. Hmm? Nixy boy? You’re mine, your body and your soul, only I can let you go, and maybe one day I will, but I tell you now, today is not that day.”
Too many months later…
Ash wasnervous as hell as he attempted to sit still on his motorcycle. Fuck, he had been glad to get back on it after getting out. They’d brought his bike with them when they had come to pick him up. The MC. His MC. The Black Coyotes MC. Ash proudly straightened out his leather vest, wearing it over a leather jacket. Yeah, it was still pretty new, but he’d grafted every minute of every day for Colt after being out. It wasn’t hard, it didn’t feel like work, and Ash loved what he did. They were renovating a five star hotel, they were cleaning up the town, asserting themselves in the NorCal area…it was the life. Yeah, it was kind of like living in a building site, but Ash didn’t mind it. He had his own fucking ensuite room, and as it was a five star hotel, it was pretty swanky.
But it didn’t yet feel complete. Because there was one crucial piece of the puzzle missing for Ash.
But not for long.
Because he was here to pick up Nix.
Yes, the day had finally come. Nix was free. They’d got him out. With a shit ton of favors and lawyer fees and wheedling and pushing and playing hard ball. Colt had had to stick his neck out, pull in every favor, and Ash was grateful. Because Nix was the other half of him and Ash wanted to feel whole again.
Ash hadn’t slept properly, of course. He had been too nervous, too excited. Too many ‘what ifs’ were swirling around in his head. Nix had been on limited visitation. Lawyer only basically. So Ash hadn’t been able to see him since the day he finished his own stay, months ago now. It meant Nix had probably done a stint in solitary. Which therefore meant Nix had probably gotten into a fight. This had swirled around uselessly in Ash’s mind the whole time.
But now, Ash was here to pick up Nix, in whatever state Nix was in. Ash bounced about on the balls of his feet, leaning back on the bike, standing and pacing, straddling the bike again…
He couldn’t wait to get Nix back to the clubhouse, show him around, introduce him to everyone, show Nix what he’d been busy with over the months. Show Nix what he’d help to build. Colt had offered to get everyone involved in coming to pick up Nix, get Jared and the guys, Rafe and Rita and everyone, but Ash had thought it might be too much for Nix. Nix wasn’t one for a big scene. And Ash had a suspicion that Nix had been through it for the rest of his stay.
And the gate clanged. A buzzer sounded. Ash looked up, feeling suddenly dry mouthed and sick.
And there was Nix.
