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“Your friends left,” she says as she makes us lunch while Mom naps. I move to help her, not wanting her to think I’m sitting here, lounging about, and waiting to be served.
“They did.”
“Jasper didn’t say goodbye.”
I peek over at her and notice that her eyes are creased and her lips are pursed. It’s bothering her that he left without saying goodbye, not that she’d ever admit it.
“Yeah. He had to catch a flight back with the guys. He told me to say he’s sorry he missed you.”
She huffs, and then asks, “And when will you be going back?”
The way she phrases it, it’s almost like she is upset at the very thought of me leaving. She’s always resented me for moving away.
“I don’t have plans yet. I wanted to see about Mom first.”
She eyes me as I slap some turkey on a slice of bread and stuff it into my mouth. Forgot the mayo and it is dry as hell, but still, I manage to chew and swallow. It scrapes all the way down.
“That’s good. We all need to be here to help with Mom.”
“Kristy,” Bridgette interrupts. “Mom is fine. Her insurance covers everything, and I’m here to help. Bennet doesn’t need to stay here. His life isn’t with us anymore.”
“Yes, well it should be,” she snaps, and I feel myself begin to shrink into myself.
“Bennet has never liked it here. And Jasper is in California…”
Kristy folds her arms across her chest. “Yes, well he’s been gone long enough. It’s ridiculous.”
“Yeah,” I say and then blink, staring down at the floor of this old house. This house I grew up in. I see a scrape on the floor, one I made with Samantha after riding one of our Big Wheels inside. So many memories here, so many good, and yet so many bad.
Fuck, I don’t wanna stay, but I also don’t want to be a disappointment to anyone. If I decide to leave, I don’t want to go years without coming home because I feel guilty for choosing my own path. But then again, this ismylife.
I can’t keep apologizing for moving out and living for myself. I love my life now. I was suffocating here as a teen, and if I stay I won’t survive it.
“I can’t stay, Kristy,” I say softly and her brows lower. “I know you hate me…”
“I don’t hate you,” she says quickly, and I believe it almost as quickly as the words tumble out of her mouth. Still, I know she’s disappointed.
“But I can’t stay. You know it. You know why.”
She’s silent for a long time and then turns her gaze away. Her shoulders are stiff and her back is ramrod straight. Oh god.
“I’m so sorry to be a disappointment to you,” I say, sniffling and feeling the lump in my throat grow.
She shakes her head and folds her arms across her chest. “You’re not a disappointment.”
“It feels that way…”
She turns her eyes on me and sighs. “You’re not a disappointment, you never were… I mean, you were embarrassing sometimes like a little brother should be, but I’ve been proud of you.”
The words falling from her lips make my sandwich hang limply in my hand. I don’t know what to say to that.
“I’m proud of you for going all the way to the other side of the country and finding a job and supporting yourself…and Mom. I am. I just…I just miss you.”
My sandwich plops to the floor and both of us turn to look at it. Kristy has never said she misses me.
“And I’ll miss your boyfriend too and his sneaky vegetables.”
A laugh escapes me and I throw myself at her, pulling her into a hug. All those words I needed all those years ago…I hear them now.
