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“Are you being honest?” I ask, not quite sure I can really believe it.
“Of course I am. Are you saying I’m a liar?”
And there’s the Kristy I know. She pats my back and moves away, sniffing more than usual.
“I know I am the way I am, and that I’m…stern and unfun, but it’s been good having you here.”
“It’s been good to come home. And I’ll come visit more often. I promise.”
She nods once and then turns back to making her food. “Now pick up the food on the floor, and when you come back to Kansas, make sure Jasper comes too.”
And that just warms my damn heart. I want to give her another hug, but I don’t think she’d allow it, so I just turn to look at Bridgette who gives me a quick wink.
Yeah, I’m gonna be okay. I am.
Now I need to wrap up things here with my mom and the farm before I go back home.
And then I’m gonna go get Jasper. I’m gonna make him fall in love with me and get us to be exclusive.
Yeah, that’s my motherfucking plan.
CHAPTERTWENTY
Jasper
Well, it has been a shit few days. I arrived home after a long-ass flight where I sniffled and hiccupped the entire way. Damon rubbed my back, and I let him while Carter and Reed looked far too cozy next to one another. It made me irrationally jealous and sick to my stomach. I want someone to be cozy with, like I was in that creepy trailer in Kansas.
“You’re gonna be just fine,” Damon said, but what does he know?
He knows nothing apparently. Because I amnotfine.
I trudged into my apartment a broken man, barely managing to shower before collapsing onto my bed. I slept fitfully, missing the warmth and scent of Bennet, the sound of his heart against my ear. Now that I’m far away from him, I realize that I don’t really need space to know how I feel about him.
I knew all along.
I am hopelessly into him. I am like head over heels…or something.
I should have just stayed and talked to Winnie the Moo some more and come to that conclusion, but then again, Bennet hadn’t begged me to stay either. He needed to sort things out on his own.
And maybe he’ll decide to stay out there. I know Kristy is a driving factor in his decision. He so badly wants to make her proud, to make her happy. And I’m sure it’s not easy for him to feel like he’s leaving the care of his mother in his sisters’ very capable hands, despite sending money home on a monthly basis to help with things that the farm or his mom might need.
And then, there is Jimbob. Oh gods, that man. What if he swoops in, in all his overall-wearing glory and convinces Bennet that staying would be a good decision? That he could take care of Bennet better than me.
And he probably could. I’m an emotionally stunted man, and Jimbob just seems so sincere. He even has a pet mini pig, for fuck’s sake.
“Damn it,” I say, my mind a jumbled mess. It’s then that I decide to try and film a video of me jacking off to distract myself, but I can’t quite get my dick to behave. It kind of just tilts sideways and looks depressed. So I end up watching murder mysteries instead. It only makes me feel worse though because the one I watched was about a murder in Colorado, which is next to Kansas. So basically, Bennet could be dead out there in the middle of western Kansas, and I wasn’t there to save him. Not that I could have.
I’m too small to save someone. But I could scream nice and loud. I could poke someone’s eyes out very aggressively.
By midnight, I’m in a spiral and end up watching the cam videos Bennet and I created, jacking off to them like a sad potato.
They’re hot, we’re hot. I miss him. I want him tonotstay with Jimbob in Kansas. I want him to come home to me.
To pick me.
Two days pass and Bennet still hasn’t really reached out, so I find myself at a petting zoo, searching for farm animals to keep me company. There’s a cow there, but it looks at me with disdain, and so I keep my distance, already missing Winnie. She was so nice and understanding. She even gave me hugs.
When a chicken pecks seeds from my hands a few minutes later, I feel the first tear roll down my cheek. And by the time I make it to the pigs, I’m having a full-on meltdown.
