AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I stubbed my toe and tears leaked out,” I lie and no one believes it. But they pretend like they do…like the good friends they are.
“You sure you’re okay?” Damon whispers softly to me when everyone is out of the room.
“Yeah, I’m gonna head home with you guys tomorrow, is that okay? I already bought my ticket.”
He nods his head and pulls me into a hug.
“We can talk about it when we get back,” he says, and I feel slightly better.
But when we get on a plane the next day, I feel like I’m breaking apart.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
Bennet
Well, I slept like shit last night. Jasper was curled up against me, my hand pressed against his heart, feeling that muscle beat steadily against my palm, and I just listened to him breathe. I felt like I was losing him, which is silly because I’m not losing him. Not really. But in that moment, in the midnight hours, I felt like I was.
The next morning we were both quiet as he packed up his suitcase and we walked to the house, showering and eating breakfast before he said goodbye to Bridgette and my mom. We stood in front of the idling car, the two of us staring at one another before I wrapped him up in my arms and squeezed him tightly, needing to feel him pressed against me once more.
It will all be fine. We will talk about all of this once I get home. But as he slid in next to Damon, and Carter drove them away down the old dirt road, I felt a sense of loss I haven’t felt since my dad died.
I like Jasper far too much.
Really fucking like the guy, and I don’t wanna be out here alone without him. I should have asked him to stay. I should have fought for this harder. But at that moment, I didn’t know what to do.
“You look very sad,” Bridgette says, pulling me into a hug and jostling my coffee slightly. Some sloshes dangerously close to the edge of the mug, and yet it’s fine. What’s a little coffee on the floor when Jasper is gone? Might as well feel even shittier and not even drink the stuff.
“Is it because he left?” she asks, and I meet my sister’s kind gaze.
“Yeah. I couldn’t ask him to put his life on hold and stay out here.”
“Yeah, I get that. Kansas isn’t for everyone.”
A small chuckle leaves my mouth. “No, it’s not.”
My mom wanders out, looking a bit unsteady on her feet, and I jump up to help her sit down at the table.
“All your nice friends…gone?” she says, and I nod, biting my lip because I can feel it trembling. It’s ridiculous really. I should not be crying over this, but I’m damn tired, having not slept much last night, and now that Jasper’s gone, being here just makes me feel…sad. I’m suddenly homesick.
Things like feeding the animals and wandering around downtown just seem so unappealing. I feel like I did before I left all those years ago. Like I have an itch inside of me that just can’t be scratched.
“Kristy is heading over soon,” Bridgette says, and I feel a sinking in my stomach because I love my older sister, I do, but she stresses me the fuck out. And the fact that she wants me to stay in Kansas and help out makes me feel incredibly anxious.
I don’t want to disappoint my family, but at the same time, I don’t want to be here either.
“What’s wrong?” my mom asks, and I take a long-drawn-out sip of my coffee, not quite sure how to answer her.
She has to know how Kristy acts toward me. It’s completely noticeable. But she’s never said anything about it, probably wanting to let us sort it out like grown siblings should. And honestly, with the grief of Dad dying, she probably just didn’t have time to deal with us. But sometimes I wish she’d taken the time toseewhat was happening.
“Just tired,” I say and then take another sip, hoping that’s enough for her. But the way my mom is looking at me, it’s like she is looking into my soul. Like she can see my struggle.
“You don’t have…you don’t need to stay,” she says softly, and I feel my eyes sting with tears.
“Yeah, Mom. I know, but I want to help.”
I say that, but I don’t mean it. I want to help financially, but I’ll wither and die here if I choose to move back to Kansas. This isn’t my life. This isn’t my home anymore.
And yet when Kristy comes over a bit later, looking stern and a little irritated, I find myself wanting to appease her, to tell her that of course I’ll stay and help. Of course, I want to contribute to the care of our mother.
