AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“If that happens, it’s all my fucking fault…” I groan. “I was always the one who pushed him away during our time as friends with benefits…”
I recall the times he suggested putting a label on our relationship, only to immediately shut it down.
“You fool Sienna…” I mutter. “But I only did it to protect him.”
Resigning from behind the counter, I put up a sign saying the shop is closed. Grabbing my coat, I retreat out the back door, in need of some fresh air.
The sun is still out, with a light afternoon heat coming down over the city of Vhoig. It’s offset by a gentle breeze ringing through the air. I leave my coat on with the buttons undone as I begin a stroll around the block.
An enticing aroma of hearty smoked meats, ale, and bread is abundant in the streets, thanks to the nearby inns, coupled with the smell of the dirt both from the ground and passing dfam.
There’s nothing but loud noises out here. Children run about freely, screaming with no parents to put them in place. Market vendors call out to passers-by with enticing deals and free samples.
Daytime drinkers are everywhere to be seen, with some leaning their backs against walls and others reclining back on benches. A couple of them even lie down flat on the street as if their home. There’s only a few seconds that pass between each burst of drunken laughter.
Zagfer and k’sheng hurriedly make their way through the roads, bobbing and weaving as if in a rush to get somewhere.
Chivdouyu scoff at the drunken elves, turning noses up at them as they pass by. Some have insults hurled at them by dfam but they go unnoticed.
“Hey,” I ask a human passing by. “You got a xaishet?”
“Sure,” replies the man. “Need a light?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Say, you fancy grabbing a drink? I know this great inn-”
“Not interested.”
Xaishet in hand, I walk to a quieter street, taking a seat on a bench. I take a long drag and blow out a ring of smoke, watching as people walk by. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to relax.
The weird looks thrown my way by dark elves does nothing to help, instead only making me feel worse. With no way to avoid it, I again plunge into the depth of my thoughts in an effort to figure all of this shit out.
I knew for a fact it was true that I pushed Ris away from me for protection. I remember reminding him nonstop that what we had between us was to be kept under wraps, away from prying eyes.
Deep down, the truth is that I wanted to be with him from the very start but the pressure was too much to take. Not only was his sister constantly looming over us but the last thing I wanted to do was throw a spanner in the works of his career.
Each week only grew progressively worse, with more fans turning up each time. I always felt their eyes on me when I gave him his instruments, and through their eyes, I was only a staff member.
How was I ever going to manage a relationship with him? I finish the xaishet, tossing it into a nearby waste bin.
… Am I just overthinking everything?
I try to blow it off by telling myself I shouldn’t care what other people think but the pressure still hangs heavy on my shoulders.
If I couldn’t handle it back then with no children to look after, could I really do it now with a boy under my care?
“How young and reckless you seemed to be back then Sienna,” I remark.
But then again, Ris said he tried to find me… That has to count for something, right?
I think of how he said no one else ever came close to me, feeling butterflies in my stomach. At the thought of Le Lazurt, Rhovier’s horrid face pops into my mind.
There’s that bitch to deal with too, I haven't forgotten about her. I know she’d be on my back once more if I get back with her brother in public…
I run my hands over my hair, knowing I’ve already tried to broach the topic of Rhovier with Ris, each time having it brushed off. Never wanting to burst the restored bubble of happiness between us, I had no choice but to drop it, much to my frustration.
I knew every time I shoved it under the rug, it only delayed what would inevitably be an uncomfortable conversation. All I want more than anything right now is to be happy with him.
