Page 46 of Hate Like Ours

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After Knox left me there in that room, it took a while for me to get myself together. When I finally did, I went back into the main building and to class. I didn’t know what else to do with myself at the time, and I couldn’t leave. I had detention, and I’d get into more trouble if I skipped it.

Thank God he wasn’t in class when I got there. I didn’t think I could’ve faced him so soon after what happened. I was sitting in my seat, just minding my own business. when Ivy came right up to my desk along with her cronies.

“What the fuck were you doing outside with Knox?” She spits her words out at me. I aim to ignore her but she grabs my hair and twists so that I’m looking directly at her. Why the hell did I decide to come to class early today?

“I wasn’t with him, you fucking idiot!” I snap. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not fucking friends with the guy!”

“I saw you coming out of that building right after him, you fucking slut!” she snaps at me. I wasn’t going to say anything but everyone here is just pissing me the fuck off. I push her away from me and get right up in her face.

“Ask your friend over there,” I say, pointing to the girl who was in the room earlier with Knox. “Ask her if she liked sucking his dick because I sure as hell wasn’t the one doing it!” I snap at her.

By now students have come into class and are witnessing our argument, and I hear the gasps and snickers at my words. “Instead of being so fucking concerned with me, maybe you should take a look at your so-called friends!”

With those final words to her, I stomp back over to my desk and sit down with a huff. She lets out a scream as she turns to the girl—I have no idea what her name is—and advances on her, still screaming and cursing at the girl.

I’d laugh but I’m not in the mood to feel satisfied at outing her friend to her. They’re all just bitches here. The teacher finally comes in a minute later and class begins. I try to pay attention but my mind wanders the entire class.

I’m starting to lose focus and I’ve seen my grades in the tests start to drop. I really need to focus more if I want to get into college. But how the hell am I supposed to do that when I’ve been constantly stressed out?

I still hear the whispers and taunts when I walk through the halls or even when I’m sitting in my seat. I ignore as much as I can but their fucking words hurt like hell.

I just wish it would all end. My depression is also getting worse—the constant despair I keep feeling on the inside, and the way I’m barely managing to care about the important things. No wonder my grades are starting to slip.

For the rest of the class and the afternoon, my mind constantly wanders back to the room with Knox. It’s like I still can’t comprehend what the hell happened but I also kind of liked it. I don’t know what kind of moron he’s turning me into, but I don’t like it one bit.

Or maybe I do and that’s why I keep letting him do things to me. Maybe I am just as fucked in the head as he seems to be. I don’t know how to even dissect that. Now I’m mad at myself because like everyone here, I’m bending to the king’s will. I’m such a stupid, stupid girl for letting that happen.

He said he’s found a new use for me and that is to become his fucktoy. I have no idea what that means—well, I do, but I’m not sure what that entails. I mean, will he fuck me even though he hates me? He wouldn’t, right? His hate is so much bigger than he is. Do I want him to? Right now, I’m not even sure what my answer is.

I can’t fathom the thought of someone like him wanting me, like I’ve wanted him since I laid eyes on him—before I knew what an asshole he was. Feeling all those things for him was my first mistake.

He’s been nothing but a menace to me ever since I started this school and I’m still clueless as to why he hates me so much. Maybe I’ll never get the answer to that question. He’s so tight-lipped about everything.

Along with being a jerk and an asshole, he’s also confusing as fuck. When I told him I had sex with other guys, he almost threw a fucking fit. And again, I have no clue why. Guess the asshole isn’t that heartless after all and he cares more than he wants to admit.

One minute, he wants to kill me and the next, he’s acting all possessive and shit. He’s probably bipolar. That’s the only explanation I can come up with when it comes to Knox. It’s so apparent that he doesn’t know what he really wants and his indecision is what’s making me more of a target for him.

With that indecision, it’s like he gets hot and cold as the mood strikes him when it comes to me. He’s either saying some dumb shit to me or he’s telling me things like I’m his fucktoy to play with. I’m getting whiplash from all his mood swings.

He also confused me when he let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he can demand to have me anytime and anywhere he wants and that scares me. Who the hell knows when he’ll come calling?

I’m beginning to think that everyone in this town are all unhinged fuckers, and all I want to do is get away from them. However, that’s not possible until I leave for college. Just a few more months to go before that happens. I have a feeling that might just be my only saving grace if I’m being honest with myself.

When the last class of the day ends, I head to the detention room and sit there, bored out of my mind until I remember I have homework to catch up on since I’ve been slipping. I’m glad nothing else happened after my run-in with Ivy. All I want to do right now is go home and take a long, hot shower and then crawl into bed where I can hide. I wish I could hide for the rest of the year. Everything inside me feels heavy with the weight of all the stress I have to carry and I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.

Plus, Trent is making life difficult for me. He won’t leave me alone. I always thwart his advances but it’s like the guy can’t take a hint and that’s when he gets nasty. That’s why I try to keep my head down as much as I can, but then Knox makes doing that difficult.

As the days go by, things seem to get worse, little by little, and the fear of the unknown is really starting to set in. None of the teachers would be any help and I’m afraid that if I do say something, then it’ll get worse for me. I’ve stayed quiet so far, and I’m just hoping for the best at this point.

But having to constantly look over your shoulder, wondering if something is going to happen, really takes its toll on you. By the time I do make it home, it’s close to five in the afternoon. When I walk into the house, I see Mom is already home and dressed up.

“Hey, honey. How come you’re home so late today?” she asks as I drop my bag onto the kitchen counter. I’m starving right now since I didn’t get a chance to eat lunch. This is the first time Mom has been home early in a while… A second later, it all clicks in my head. She was probably home late every night because she was spending time with Knox’s dad.

“Uh, I had to stay late in the library to help Kinsley with something,” I tell her. It’s not a lie since I’m usually in the library every day, but today it’s a lie. I can’t let her know that I had detention.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Mom says as she puts a plate of chicken Alfredo pasta in front of me. I don’t waste any time digging in.

“Going somewhere?” I ask casually.

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