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“For you to be mine,” he tells me.
We’re quiet for a long while after that because I don’t know what to say to that. When we finally get done with the bath, he takes me back to my room and helps me get dressed, even though I don’t need it. Again, he just won’t go away. I guess he’s sticking to his being glued-to-me statement. Let’s just see how long that lasts. He lays me down on the bed and then covers me with the comforter.
“I’ll be back in a sec. The doctor is here to look you over,” he says before walking out of my room. I let out a long sigh because there’s no use arguing with him. He’ll just do whatever he wants anyway.
He comes back a few moments later with the doctor in tow, and he takes a seat at the foot of the bed. I guess he intends to stay here as the doctor looks me over.
“Hello, young lady. My name is Dr. Stevens and I’ll be checking you over today,” he says in a kind and friendly manner.
“My name is Raine and sure,” I tell him and agree since I don’t really have a choice in the matter. He’ll still end up looking me over whether I agree or not. He goes to work, checking my eyes and heartbeat and a few more pokes here and there.
“Can I get something for the pain? My body aches from the bruises,” I tell him. Knox goes to interject but the doctor speaks to him.
“Not to worry. I’ll just give her some Toradol in her IV bag and that will help her with the pain. It won’t cause any effects due to her other condition,” he says, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Guess he already filled the good ole doc in on my drug habits.
“Thanks, Doc!” I say with the fakest smile I can muster when it’s time for him to leave. Knox follows behind him.
He already started the drip and knowing the drug is going into my system works on my brain. I already feel like the pain has eased some. When Knox walks back into my room, I see that he has a plate of food in his hand and I groan.
“I’m not—” I start but don’t get to say anything else because he cuts me off.
“We’re not going through this fight again. You’re going to eat every fucking thing on this plate. I don’t want your health to deteriorate because you’re not eating,” he growls.
I do in fact act like a brat and he ends up feeding me, making sure I eat every single thing that was on that plate. I’m super full now and have to fight the urge to vomit. He must know this too because he gives me a deadly look.
I pipe down for now and drink some water. Then I lie back down because what else am I gonna do with Mr. Bossy asshole here running my life like a drill sergeant?
A few moments later, I’m guessing, whatever the doc gave me starts to work because I feel drowsy. I close my eyes and lie there. He gets into bed with me on the other side before he pulls me into his arms, being careful with the drip attached to me. I feel him place a soft kiss on my forehead just as I succumb to the darkness of sleep.
Nine
RAINE
When I wakeup the next morning, the first thing I’m aware of is that I don’t feel any pain from the bruises. Guess the meds did help a lot, which is a small blessing considering everything else going on in my life.
I’m pressed up against Knox. He’s holding onto me in a way that I wouldn’t accidentally turn and mess with the drip still in my arm. It’s a thoughtful gesture. It’s the things like this that completely fuck up my world further. I shift a little and then look up at him to see that he’s still asleep.
I don’t know but somehow, I can never stop staring at him when he’s asleep. I guess that’s when I like him best. It’s almost like he’s a statue with just one singular expression compared to when he’s awake and I have to sort through all the varying thoughts and emotions on his face. Not that he ever really lets anyone see them much.
Where am I going with this thought? I don’t have a clue. Everything inside my head is a jumbled mess that I don’t know how to sort through at the moment. How do I even begin to fix all the things that are broken inside me and inside my head? I’m not fully broken but there are parts of me that are.
Right now, most of the chaotic shit is locked away inside my head and I’m avoiding them. I’m just existing right now instead of dealing with it all. There’s so much I need to face and tackle head-on, but I just don’t have the energy to do it.
My chest feels like it’ll cave in on itself every time I think about how I don’t really belong anywhere, no matter how hard I try to push those feelings away. I don’t think I belong in New York anymore. I don’t belong with my father either because he’s always traveling. Plus, he has a new family now, so I’d never fit in there.
I don’t belong here either and I never will, since some people have made it known to me or have said it directly to my face. Not that I ever thought I could belong in a place like this, where money and status is all everyone seems to care about, and the ones with enough are treated as the gods around here.
I don’t resent anyone for the money they have because I’m sure they worked hard for it. What I do resent and fucking hate is everyone who has treated me like shit just because of… well, it all boils down to Knox, doesn’t it?
And here I fucking am, lying in bed with the asshole.
Don’t worry, my own name is at the top of the list of all the people I hate.
Not wanting to deal with my thoughts while lying next to him, I get out of bed and rip the drip out of my hand before making my way into my bathroom. I make sure to lock the door behind me before stripping and getting into the shower.
I let the hot water wash over me as my thoughts begin to plague me once more. It’s a never-ending cycle that I can’t break. When does it end?
I’m so confused and that makes my heart and soul hurt even more. I feel like a wounded animal on the verge of dying every single day. I don’t know where to turn for help because I don’t trust anyone, not anymore. The few close friends I have excluded.
