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But I still had to get through today.
A hand rested on my shoulder with a gentle squeeze I recognized before I’d even glanced up at Niko. My coach shot me his sunbeam of a smile, pride shining from his face as if we’d already proven ourselves.
“You’re going to kill it, Angel,” he said. “Both of you. Show them what you can do, and let them experience the beauty you have to offer the world.”
I inhaled slowly, absorbing those words. He was right: my purpose was to add beauty to the world, not take from it. All I had to do was remember who I was—who Itrulywas, not who Mom had wanted me to be—and I would be golden.
I shot Niko a smile in return. “Thanks. I’m ready. It’s just hard not to be a little nervous.”
He gave a light laugh. “I don’t think you’d be human if you weren’t. But I’ve seen you face off against a lot more than a bunch of ice. I know you can do this.”
The corners of my lips twitched higher. He wasn’t wrong about that either.
My gaze drifted away—and caught on a set of bright blue eyes fixed on me from farther down the stands. My pulse skipped a beat, but I forced myself to continue my survey of the stands as if I hadn’t even noticed Quentin’s stare.
He’d been watching us—watchingme—almost every time I’d glanced in his direction since we’d shown up for Finals yesterday. I couldn’t tell whether the intensity of his attention was more unnerving or thrilling.
Was he trying to intimidate us? Hoping to rub his and Jess’s third place spot after yesterday’s routines in our faces?
Having trouble shaking the images from the night when he’d spied on us in the locker room?
I hoped it was the latter. Let him keep stewing on the passion he knew we shared, that he and his partner had no chance of matching.
Whatever the case, I wasn’t going to let the jerk distract me.
As the pair on the ice launched into a jump that wasn’t quite as impressive as our triple Lutzes, Jasper stepped up beside me. He stared out over the ice with a solemn expression that sent a pang through my chest.
He had to be nervous too. This was his grand return after his slump—and I’d already almost ruined it for him.
Had Niko and I really done the right thing, dragging him back into the spotlight? I didn’t even know everything that was weighing on him.
I reached out and tucked my hand around his. “Jasper?”
His gray-green eyes slid to meet mine, warming as they did in a way that reassured me. “Yeah, Punk?”
I couldn’t hold back a grin at the teasing nickname, even though it was still a little hard to get out the question I wanted to ask. “We never really talked about… about whatever it was that got you off track the last time you were competing. I know it wasn’t because of Niko. Is there anything you’re still worrying about?”
Jasper blinked, and then his gaze went momentarily distant. “Oh. That. I—I mean, it’s mostly the same old thing, just it happened to hit me really hard at a time when I really needed my focus.”
He rubbed the back of his neck in his awkward way, and I resigned myself to the fact that he might not say anything more. But then he caught my gaze again. “I’ve told you that my dad wasn’t supportive about the whole figure skating thing.”
I nodded. “Yeah. He sounds like a total jerk.”
Jasper let out a rough chuckle. “That’s one way of putting it. Well, a couple years ago, he and my mom took in the teenage son of friends of theirs—the parents had a great opportunity with work that was taking them overseas for a few months, and they didn’t want to pull the kid out of school in the middle of the year. So he was living with my parents for the time being.”
“That was nice of them,” I said, wondering where this was going.
“It was.” His jaw tightened, and he returned his attention to the ice. “The kid was on his high school football team, star quarterback, already getting interest from colleges even though he was only a sophomore. I went back home to visit for a few days around Easter, and my dad just wouldn’t stop going on about how amazing this guy was, how impressive this game or that play had been, with little jabs implyingIwas a total letdown in comparison.”
My hands balled at my sides. “Not just a jerk. A total fucking asshole.”
Jasper shrugged. “I always knew he felt that way about skating. He just hadn’t had such an easy point of comparison right there in front of him before to rub it in. That wasn’t even the worst of it. My mom got upset with him, and the night before I left, they had a blow-up argument, yelling like they hardly ever did. And he stormed out of the house. He hadn’t come back when I had to leave to catch my flight the next morning.”
Good riddance, I wanted to say, but I suspected that comment wouldn’t come across as all that helpful. “I’m glad you have someone who’d stand up for you.”
“I guess there’s that. But she still loves him even though he has that one hang-up. I could tell she was devastated. And then I went out and started practicing, and had a few bad stumbles, and all these doubts rose up about whether everything I’d been doing really was worth it. I got too much in my head, like Niko always says. Even worse when the pressure was on during the actual competitions.”
Jasper paused and squeezed my hand. “I didn’t know how to get back out of that spiral until the two of you showed up. I knowIwas an ass to you when we first met, but you have no idea how happy I am that you tolerated it enough to stick around while I got my head on straight.”
