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I shoot up out of bed, unable to stand his voice a second longer. "Making love!?" I shriek. "Joshua, please. That wasnotmaking love. We havenevermade love. Sure, I used to think that's what we were doing. But it wasn't like that at all for you."
"Don't say that."
"Why shouldn't I? It's true. You can't sleep around like that if you really love someone."
"Vanessa," he sighs, dragging a hand down his face. "You can do a lot of stupid things when you're young and selfish. Whether you're in love or not."
"You weren't that young," I remind him.
"You're right. I was old enough to know what I had with you, but I was young enough to be an idiot and screw it up. But I mean…I probably did you a favor, like it or not. Here I am ten years later and nothing is different for me. You were the last serious relationship I ever had. I don't know if I ever would have been able to give you what you deserved."
"What a line," I groan, rolling my eyes. "I don't know what's worse. That you as a neurosurgeon can't come up with a better one, or that I, as a biochemist, keep falling for it."
"Come back to bed," he commands.
"Why?"
"Because we're not done. You said so yourself…the first time is always fast and hard. The second time though…"
I flash back to the moments in bed when everything slowed down…when he pulled me close and moved so deep inside of me, sinking his teeth into my skin. It nearly destroyed me - to remember how good he could make it feel, howsincerehe could seem. I can't handle that again.
"I'm not in the mood for that," I huff. "Believe it or not, I really didn't mean for this to happen. I actually thought I'd lure you here and get you all riled up, then leave you hanging."
"Oh really?" he laughs. "And how did that work out for you?"
I shoot a death glare at him over my shoulder then go over to my bag to snatch up some clothes to get dressed.
"You know what I think? I think you needed that more than you want to admit. Now you're angry with yourself for wanting more, and you're taking it out on me. Don't shoot the orgasm delivery guy, Ness. Just enjoy it. I know what you're like when it's been a while, and it hasobviouslybeen a while for you."
Don't take the bait, Vanessa. Don't take the bait. Don't take the bait.
I know I shouldn't fall for his tricks. This is what he wants. To get me all pissed off just so he can be the one to lay on his charms and talk me down again. He loves pushing me up and up and over, then guiding me back down to the ground…conveniently, straight into his arms.
I spin around on my heels and step up to my imaginary podium, fully prepared to let him have it anyway. It's like a speeding train. I can't stop it. Obviously, no matter how much I know better - I am powerless to the shoulds and should-nots when it comes to him. That's what brought us here in the first place.
"First off," I say, pointing my finger in the air. "Don'tcall me Ness. We arenoton a cute nickname status. Those days are long gone. Second, how could you possibly know what I'm like when it's been a while? Third, I'll answer the second one for you. Youdon't! And I know you don't because you're wrong. But even if you were right and ithadbeen a while for me, it's only because I don't go around fucking anyone who will have me - unlike you!"
He climbs out of bed and approaches me, not bothering to cover up or put his boxers back on. He lets his glistening, still half-hard erection just hang there on full display. He stands up straight and tall, unwavering…cocky and confident as ever.
"Fine. Have it your way. No more nicknames. But Idohappen to know what you're like when you're starving for sex because that's how you were when we first met, and you never were that way again the whole time we were together. I made sure of it. And I assure you…I don't fuck just anyone."
"Oh thank god," I scoff. "I feel so honored to be one of the select…how many is it? Three-hundred and sixty-five women a year? Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Are there any men or goats mixed in there too?"
"Really?" he laughs. "You brought bestiality into this?"
"I put nothing past you."
He stalks closer. I've only managed to get my t-shirt and panties on so far, but I can't help but retreat as he comes near. If our eyes lock in just the right way with no safe buffer between us, I'm worried I'll just plummet straight into bed with him all over again.
"How big of a monster do I need to be for you to justify how much you hate me?"
A knot forms in my throat. "You're already a pretty big monster to me, Ashford. I trusted you. I thought you respected me. You obviously didn't, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for that. I wasn't stupid. I knew your reputation. But I guess Iwasstupid enough to think I was…differentto you somehow. That's how it…how itfeltanyway. I know I was wrong.Thisis wrong. The end. Now back up and let me get dressed so I can go home."
I try to push him away, but he closes the gap so I'm back up against the wall again. His brown eyes burn into mine as he brushes his fingers along my chin. When I try to turn away from his touch, his other hand is waiting there to press against my cheek. My eyes fall shut, and I find myself melting into the warmth of his palm despite myself.
"You know what I think?" he rasps, his voice rich and deep like honey. "I think you're clinging so hard to how I fucked up ten years ago because you're scared of what might happen if you didn't hate me."
I let out a weak, defeated laugh. "I've forgotten what it feels like not to hate you."
