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“When your career ends, who do you think will be by your side? Who’s gonna celebrate with you? Your teammates? Maybe. A few friends? Probably. Will the people who love you for you, not for your talent, be standing here?” He gestures around my condo. “Sure, your mother and I will be here because our love for you is unconditional. You can be an asshole to us, and we’ll still love and support you. But you rarely answer your siblings’ phone calls. You don’t come home when you’re able to visit, and during off seasons we get a week… maybe.”
“I was just home for three weeks,” I argue.
“And did you see how happy your mother was? How happy everyone was? And let’s be honest, you spent as much time as you could with Calista.” I open my mouth, but he raises his hand. “We know you love her, but here you are.” He looks around my apartment. “And she’s not here. Why is that?”
“Because she doesn’t want to live in Chicago.”
He nods and drinks his beer again. I haven’t had a sip of mine.
“When Calista got hurt, I remember calling you after your games and a lot of the time, you’d be out on the town. I’m curious, did you purposely stay out late?” he asks.
“Not at first.”
“You pushed her instead of giving her time.” He doesn’t ask; he’s sure of it.
“She didn’t want to come to my games. What was I supposed to do?”
“Help her. Have her see a therapist? She can’t go her entire life and never see someone play soccer again. Get her help? Be patient? Ease her into it? But I have a feeling when she got injured, you just let her fall apart in this apartment.”
“No! I tried everything I could to help her.” Tears pool in my eyes. “I love her, Dad.” I scrub my eyes with the heels of my hands. “It was a nightmare. I would do anything to have her here with me. I told her as much. She doesn’t want to live here. What am I supposed to do?”
My dad’s expression softens as I wipe my face with my T-shirt, all the events of the last few weeks catching up to me and feeling like too much to bear.
“Your mom and I talk. We come to decisions together. You can’t have a life together when one person is always living out their dream and the other one has constantly sacrificed for it.”
“Do you think I would expect her to live an unhappy life so I can play?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, because you don’t tell me anything. You keep it all hidden inside, and I’m pretty sure you keep a helluva a lot to yourself when it comes to her too.”
I sip my beer to try to ease the painful, burning lump in my throat.
“Talk to me, son. Help me understand.”
I shrug. The words push against my lips, but I don’t know whether I should let them escape. My dad silently watches me until I can’t take it anymore and I let it all out.
“I never felt like one of them! They were older and had years of memories of living together that I didn’t. They were all bonded long before I came along. I felt like a tagalong and a nuisance. The way Mom would make them come to my games.” I cringe, remembering seeing my siblings there and feeling as though they probably would rather be anywhere else.
My dad shakes his head. “No one made them come to your games. They came because they wanted to.”
I shrug. “I don’t know, I just never felt like one of them.”
“When your mom got pregnant with you, it was a surprise, which I’m sure you know, but we wouldn’t have traded it for anything. We were ecstatic, as were your siblings. You’re the product of our families blending together. You’re a piece of both me and your mom. I love our family, and sure, we had to depend on your siblings to help us with you sometimes, but none of them felt obligated to do so. But hiding out for the rest of your life isn’t going to make you feel any closer to them. You’re all adults now. You’re all on the same level.”
“I know,” I say, but I think I never really considered the fact that now I’m an adult like them. Sure, I’m still younger, but the differences in our stages of life aren’t a gaping canyon between us anymore.
We each take a pull of our beer.
“And when it comes to Calista, it’s your decision, but I want you to think hard about what I asked. If you retire tomorrow, who will be there to celebrate your success? Who believes in you the most? Who will still be there a year after you retire? There’s always a way, Ry. Your mom and I were able to blend two families who didn’t like one another and make them a close- knit family who are there for each other. You and Calista need to figure it out together, because neither of you is happy right now.”
I sit up straight. “Did you see her?”
“No, but I don’t need to. Seeing you, I imagine she must be the same. It’s been years since her injury. She might be able to give something a try now. But soccer isn’t going to hold your hand when you’re on your deathbed, son.”
“Jesus, Dad.” I scowl at him.
“Yeah, I’ve never had to get that morbid with any of your siblings, but I really want to hammer the point home.” He finishes his beer and gets up from the table. “Now, call me more often.” He walks over to his suitcase and wheels it toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
