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He locks our fingers together and stares down at them. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.” His eyes lift to mine. “It goes to show that everything I did, everything I’m doing, is all worth it.”
“Thank you,” I tell him. “For not giving up, I mean.”
“Never, Angel. Every time I see you, it feels like I’m taking my first breath. Every time you would walk away, I feared it would be the last. I was suffocating without you. My entire world, all of my existence, rides on us. So now I’m asking you not to give up.”
My heart pangs. It’s an agonizing feeling when it’s being called in so many different directions. But I know my heart is safe with Ridge, and I’d be crazy to walk away from this, even if I’m sharing it with someone else. “I’m not going anywhere.”
We finish eating, while talking about more of the things we love and hate. Turns out, Ridge likes pineapple on his pizza. Never saw that one coming, because I do, too. I actually argued the topic in my debate class my sophomore year.Another thing Ridge loves…snakes. That I can’t agree on because snakes freak me the hell out.
This night has been enlightening. I’ve been looking at Ridge with new eyes for a few days now, and after this evening, I can only describe what I’m feeling as euphoria. With every passing minute, my adoration for him grows. He illuminates a darkness inside me, and I meant it when I said I’m not going anywhere.
CHAPTER23
LEV
“What’son your mind today, Lev?”
I glower at Dr. Edmonds, my hatred for him burning into the depths of my soul. He always does this shit. Tries to dig deep and pull out my demons.
“Nothing,” I snap back.
I know it’s his job, and I know he’s the best at what he does, which is exactly why I continue to talk to him—only him.
The truth is, I don’t really hate him at all. But I do hate the way he tries to make me feel.
“Do you think it’s time to go back to that night yet?”
“Don’t,” I grit out. “Don’t you fucking dare even try.”
I changed my mind—I do hate him.
His hands go up, landing softly on his crossed legs. “All right. You’re the one in control. I’m just here to listen.”
A few moments of silence pass, but a nightmare I had is sitting heavy on my mind today. I can feel the words climbing up my throat, a dire urge to get them out, but I fight it. I fight it so damn hard because once I unleash them, I can’t take them back.
“I dreamt about them last night,” I spit out on impulse. I didn’t want to. The words just shot out of my mouth and now they’re free. I jump to my feet, my entire body ready to break out in a cold sweat as I pace in front of the loveseat.
“Care to tell me about it?”
Fuck no.But instead, I say, “Maybe.”
Dr. Edmonds's eyes grow wide in surprise, and I’m sure it’s because this is the first time I’ve ever agreed to anything he’s asked. As he said,I'm the one in control,and I’ve kept it that way since I was fourteen years old.
“Have you been taking your medication, Lev?” The seriousness in his tone unsettles me—confuses me, rather.
“Why the fuck are you asking me that? I told you I had a nightmare and you ask me about my damn medication?” Dr. Edmonds must be off his rocker today, because he’s been grasping at the opportunity to get inside my head for years.
“I’d just like to be sure. I assume that’s a yes?”
“Yes.” My voice rises and the irritation I’m feeling becomes obvious. “Yes, I’ve been taking my fucking medication.” It’s a boldfaced lie because I haven’t been taking it.
“Very good.” He crosses his legs tighter and sinks back into the chair with his pen pinched between his fingers. “Now tell me about this dream.”
“Nightmare,” I correct him. “It was a fucking nightmare. And you know what? I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. You ruined it. Good job, Doc.” I head for the door, ready to kick my foot through it, but instead, I pull myself together and open it the proper way. Doesn’t mean I don’t slam the shit out of it behind me, though.
As soon as it latches, I draw in a deep breath. My hands jab straight into the front pockets of my jeans, and I pace. Back and forth, over and over again, in front of the door.
Dr. Edmonds won’t come out. We do this every meeting. Sometimes I go back in. Sometimes I don’t.
