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But fuck, I gotta tell someone about this nightmare or it’s going to live rent-free in my head every time I’m awake. And when I sleep, it’s going to slither back in like a snake in the grass.
After fifteen minutes have passed and I’ve calmed myself down, I jerk the door back open again.
“I’ll call you back,” Dr. Edmonds says into his phone before tapping the screen and setting it on the round end table beside him.
I stop in the doorway, glowering at him. “Who was that?”
“My wife. It was just a short call.” He chuckles. “She asked me to pick up dinner on the way home.”
“What are you doing right now, Dr. Edmonds?”
His expression goes stoic. “I’m here. In a meeting with you.”
I step farther into the room and swing the door closed behind me. “And how much do I pay you hourly?”
The level of intimidation he feels at this moment is crystal clear. He clears his throat and straightens his back while casting down his eyes at his notebook. “Two hundred dollars an hour, plus extra for the inconvenience of the drive here.”
“That’s right. Two hundred fucking dollars an hour. And I don’t pay it to you so you can make dinner plans with your wife.”
“You had stepped out, so I assumed—”
“Assumed what? That the time clock stopped? Or that I was simply wasting your precious time?”
“Not at all. I apologize if you feel that way.”
“I dreamt that I shot them,” I shout. “Okay? That’s what my fucking nightmare was. I dreamt that I pulled the trigger and I was the one who murdered my whole family.” My words crack and splinter and I choke as the words leave my mouth. “I looked into Alana’s sweet eyes and I shot her in the chest.”
“Lev…”
“Do you even fucking care at all, or is this just a paycheck to you?”
I can’t help the unstoppable force that comes over me as I trudge toward him. Grabbing his phone that’s plugged into the charger on the wall, I rip it off. “You have a fucking family to bring dinner home to! I don’t!” I slam his phone on the floor then grab the round table and swing it around, letting it fly from my hands and into the wall. “I have nobody!”
Dr. Edmonds shoots to his feet. “Lev.” His hands rise then lower. “Have a seat and we will talk this through. This is your safe space.”
I side-eye him, snarling, “Is it, though? Is it really safe? Because I’m starting to think you don’t really want to be here and if you don’t want to be here, you can’t help me.”
“Of course I want to be here. I’d come for free, you know that. I’ve told you so many times. You’re like a son to me. This is more than just a job.”
A calmness washes over me. “But you have a son. You can’t really tell me you care about me in the same way you care about him.” I feel like a child who is making a parent choose. Not that Dr. Edmonds is my parent, but there’s a part of me that needs to hear him elaborate on that. A part of me that needs to feel cared for.
“Yes,” he says. “Julian is only six years old. I’ve known you since my wife was pregnant with him. “I care deeply for you, Lev.”
I drop down on the couch and rest my head back. Eyes closed, I allow the calm to wash over me. Dr. Edmonds gives me the time to decompress and when I’m ready, I lift my head. “I’m ready to talk,” I tell him.
Even I’m surprised as the words just spill out of my mouth. I tell him all about my nightmare and how it made me feel. Then I tell him about Riley, and how she makes me feel.
“Ridge calls her Angel, and I’m starting to see why. She’s changing me, Doc. I can feel myself getting better.”
Dr. Edmonds cautions me against jumping into a relationship while I’m still working on myself, but I make it clear I amnot looking for a relationship.
“What’s the endgame with this girl, then? Where do you see this arrangement going?”
“Honestly, I have no plan. Each day I take it wherever the fuck I want it to go. And she follows. Because I give her no choice.”
CHAPTER24
RILEY
