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There’s so much more he hasn’t said. His unsaid words are hanging in the air like a ticking time bomb. “Until I’m not a danger to myself. That’s what you wanted to say, right?”
“No,” he says vehemently. “That’s not it at all. I may not know everything that happened to you, but I’m in fucking awe of how you managed to survive what those animals did to you.”
I recoil from him. “What?” I breathe. How does he know what happened?
“Jade and Kelvin found you in the Demon’s clubhouse,” he says, his voice soft and filled with anguish. “Had I known—”
“I’m not someone for you to pity, Elio,” I snap. I may be a lot of things, but I will never be someone’s charity case. “You did what you had to. I hate you for it, but damn, I knew where I stood. It was my fault I got things confused. Don’t lie here and feed me placations, Elio. They don’t work.”
My anger at Jade rises. She told him and God knows who else something I hadn’t wanted anyone to find out. She should have never divulged something that wasn’t hers to tell.
“Mia amata,” he says, his lips against my head again.
“Stop,” I plead, tears forming in my eyes once again. “Please, I can’t do this.”
Having him care for me is something I can’t deal with. It’s too much. It’s way too much. I can’t breathe. I feel as though I’m suffocating. I hate it. I’m so confused.
He releases me instantly. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this. You’re confusing me. I don’t want you to be affectionate and act as though you care. I can’t and won’t let you break through my walls and get me to fall even more for you, only to hurt me again.”
“That’s not going to happen. I’d rather die than hurt you again, Teagan.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know how to believe that,” I whisper, hating that I’m so jaded, but I know it’s for a good reason.
“That’s okay,mia amata. I have the rest of our lives to prove it to you.”
I pull in a ragged breath. His words are everything I would have loved to hear before, but now, they make me sad. It’s took me to reach rock bottom for him to say them, and I can’t and won’t believe them. I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore.
Do I even have a choice?
“Mia amata,” he says thickly. “I would like you to do something. The doctor came to help you last night, and he’s been finding someone for you to speak with. I’d like it if you’d give them a chance; just have a talk with them and see if they can help you?”
My lungs seize as my blood runs cold. “No,” I breathe. “Please, no,” The thought of having to pour my darkest secrets out to someone has me in a chokehold, the fear gnawing at my psyche like no other. I don’t think anyone will be able to help me. Years—I’ve lived with this darkness swirling around me like a veil for years. There’s no helping me.
“Please, Tee. I know you’re suffering. I wasn’t here to help you last night. But I can see how much pain you were in. I’m begging you, please, have just one conversation with them,” Portia pleads as she comes to sit down beside me. I hadn’t heard her come in.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“Teagan, please,” she implores, tears in her eyes.
“Stop it!” I scream, my words hoarse, the sound ripping from my throat.
“Look at me,” she says as she reaches for my hand. “I’ve lost one sister. I don’t want to lose another.” Her voice cracks, tears falling down her face. “Please, just one conversation.”
A knot forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it down. “I-I don’t think,” I stutter, finally catching my breath. “I don’t think anyone can help,” I whisper. “But I will try. I’ll try anything. I don’t want to feel this darkness anymore.”
Her hand tightens on mine, and Elio’s hand rests on my stomach. “Mia amata, you’re not alone anymore,” he tells me.
Portia nods. “I agree with the asshole. You’re not alone, and when you talk to the woman, we’ll be right outside, ready for whenever you need us.”
I nod. “Okay, you can set it up.”
Elio presses a kiss against my head. This time, I don’t recoil. I let him kiss me. I close my eyes and savor the kindness. “I’m proud of you,mia amata,” he whispers.
I suck in a breath. No one has ever said that to me before.
“So fucking proud. We’re going to help you through the darkness. We’ll take it one step at a time.”
