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I swallow past the lump in my throat. God… Could there really be a life without the darkness nipping at my heels all the time?
Could I live without these thoughts?
TWENTY-TWO
TEAGAN
“Hi Teagan,” the woman with bright red hair says as she takes a seat opposite me. I grip Portia’s hand tighter, not wanting to let go of the support I have. My breathing is ragged, and I’m struggling to think, let alone talk.
“Just give her a second,” Portia says softly, squeezing my hand back, letting me know that she’s here.
“Hi,” I reply after what seems like an eternity.
The woman smiles at me. It’s soft and filled with warmth. “I’m Lena. Right now, we’re just going to talk, that’s it. When you’re comfortable, we can then move on to something a little deeper. But only when you’re comfortable.”
I glance over at Elio. He’s not been far from my side since I woke up. I hate that I keep searching him out whenever I can’t see him. His strength is something that I’m leaning on, and I know it’s stupid. It’s just going to get me hurt, but right now, it’s what I need.
He winks at me as he hands me a cup. I frown when I realize it’s not coffee. “Mia amata, this will help calm you. Coffee will make you anxious,” he says thickly. “It’s Chamomile.”
I stare at him in shock. I didn’t think he’d even know what Chamomile was, let alone have any in the house.
“He’s right,” Lena says, her eyes crinkling as she watches our interaction. “Chamomile is known for its calming properties. It’s a taste that not everyone enjoys.”
I take a sip and glare at Elio as I wince in disgust. He smiles. “You’ll get used to it.”
I shake my head and take another sip. He’s right, the second sip isn’t as bad as the first, but it’s not as nice as coffee. “Would you like a cup?” I ask Lena.
She laughs. “No, thank you, Teagan, although your husband did offer me one when I arrived.” Her laughter dies as my eyes widen. “Why does that shock you?”
I shrug. “I guess I don’t know him well enough,” I say, the words cutting me deeply. We’ve been married for a few months, and I don’t know him at all.
“My husband and I have been married for six years, and we’re still finding out new things about each other. It takes some time to fully know someone. Does it hurt you that you don’t know him well?”
I bring the cup to my lips again. I can feel the heat of Elio’s gaze on me. I nod, unable to say the words out loud.
“Do you think it hurts him?”
“No,” I say, my voice clear. “I think he’d prefer it this way.”
“Teagan,” Lena says softly, “would you prefer we be alone to speak?”
I nod once again. I don’t want to hurt Portia or Elio’s feelings, but I know that I can’t talk freely with them here. I keep my gaze firmly on Lena as Portia rises to her feet. She gives my arm a squeeze in reassurance before leaving the room. Elio, however, walks over to me and crouches in front of me.
“Mia amata,” he begins. “Don’t be afraid, okay? She’s here to help you. No matter what, I’m just in the other room. Okay?” I nod, glad that he’s not upset with having to leave. “I’m proud of you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but I’m so damn proud of you,mia amata.” His lips press against my forehead. They’re warm and wet from his coffee. I close my eyes and lean into him. “Ti amo, mia amata.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I have so much to thank him for today. He’s been someone who has held me as I’ve cried, who has encouraged me to become better, and has put me above everything else.
His lips press against my head again. I have a feeling that he’s going to keep doing this until I can’t live without them.
“What’s your favorite color?” Lena asks once we’re alone.
“Black,” I reply instantly. “I also like pink.”
Lena smiles. “Black represents strong-will and determination. Pink represents a loving, kind, and sensitive person who has a nurturing side.”
“I’m not that person,” I say with a shrug.
