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“It’s breathtaking.”
She grins. “What comes to your mind when I say pain?”
Nausea rises in my stomach at the memories of what Crunk did to me. The rapes that happened, the beatings I took from the men in the clubhouse.
“Talk to me, Teagan,” Lena says softly.
I shake my head. “Please,” I whisper. I can’t do this.
“That’s okay. We can talk about something else. Would you prefer that?”
I nod, unable to speak right now. Memories hit me in thick waves of pain and anger. They hit me hard, and I can’t stop them. I’m too wrapped up in the emotions of the moment. I feel like I’m going crazy. Suddenly, tears are streaming down my face, and I begin to shake uncontrollably.
Every touch, every smell, every memory, all of it feels so heavy. It mixes together into this huge storm of pain. I feel like I’m going to drown in it. My entire body trembles as I curl up tighter.
I hear Elio’s voice, but it sounds like he’s underwater. “Mia amata,” he whispers thickly. “It’s me. You’re safe here. Listen to my voice.”
My heart barrels into my chest. I take a deep breath and force myself to focus on the sound of his voice, like trying to hit a tiny target in the middle of a raging storm.
I can feel myself straining toward Elio and his voice, pulling myself out of the haunting memories.
His voice is like a beacon, calling me back to the here and now. “That’s it,bellissima, just listen to my voice. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
I fall into him, my body shaking against his. He holds me tight, just as he did earlier, letting me know that he has me, and for once, I let someone catch me when I need them.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispers as he starts to rock me once again, whispering to me over and over.
“Teagan,” Lena says once I’ve stopped crying, but I’ve got Elio’s hand gripped like a vice in my own. I can’t let him go right now. “You did fantastic today. It’s going to take some time until you’re comfortable enough to open up fully. Would you be okay if I come back tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I say, my voice a little hoarse, but the word is clear.
She smiles as she gets to her feet. “That’s great. I’ll see you tomorrow, then? You’ll probably be emotionally worn out, so you should rest. You’ve had an exhausting few days and the rest will help.”
“She will,” Elio says. I would roll my eyes if I weren’t so darn tired.
“I’m worried about your mental psyche, Teagan. You’re emotionally drained, and there’s not much more pain and suffering you’ll be able to take.”
“I’m okay,” I tell her. “I have Portia and Elio here.”
She looks at me, and I can see the hesitation in her eyes. “I’ll leave my card. Call me anytime. Whenever you feel it’s too much, or you can’t cope. Call me. Even if it’s to speak about the sunrise.”
I smile. I really need to start watching them again. They bring me so much peace. “I promise.”
“She will. We’ll make sure of it,” Portia says as she stands beside me. “We’ll be keeping a close eye on her.”
Lena glances between Elio and I, and then to Portia. “It’s good that she has you both, but be careful not to smother her. You want the best for her, but sometimes we can push when we don’t mean to. Let Teagan guide you.” She reaches for my hand to shake. “Thank you for talking with me. I’ll be back tomorrow at ten. And go get some sleep.”
“Thank you,” I say, grateful that she came to speak to me.
“I’ll see myself out,” Lena tells us. “Don’t forget to eat and drink. It’ll help your body gain some strength back.”
Once Lena has gone, Portia and Elio talk about what they want to eat. I shake my head. They seem to be being civil to one another, which is great. I don’t have to worry about Portia saying something that’ll get her killed.
I get the pressing urge to pee and move toward the bathroom, my mind on what was said in today’s session. I’m wondering if I’m actually strong enough to talk about my past, or will it just be something that eats away at me? I know it may help if I talk about it, but the thought of telling someone the horrors I suffered makes me feel sick.
I come to a halt when I enter the bathroom in our bedroom. I wasn’t even thinking about where I was going. Blood coats the bath, and there's blooddrops on the floor.
Arms close around me. “I’ll clean it up,” Elio’s deep voice says. “I should have done it before now. You shouldn’t have to see it.”
