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And it was so easy to be around Ava, our chemistry off the charts. I could tell she loved me, even though she was still hurting. In between, we spoke on the phone, or messaged, because there’s no way she’ll think me uninterested in her now we have Sabine back. I will push every doubt from her head.
When she flew out at the end of January, Sabine, Ben and I waved her off at the airport.
That goodbye fucking destroyed me.
This past month we’ve had a routine of sorts. On Mondays, I send her flowers. Most recently, it was four dozen red roses. They’re so fragrant, their scent permeates the entire apartment I’m told. Gratefully received, Ava always sends me a picture of them in a vase, often with her smiling face smooshed in the petals as she inhales.
On Tuesdays, I send her a box of Swiss chocolates. Apparently, it takes Tilly and her all of two days to get through the huge selection, butthe calories are worth it when they taste this good.
On Wednesdays, I send her a series of pictures of Logan running on the heath or lolling on the sofa with me. I always title those photos with:Miss you. Logan will have to do until I’ve got you back in my arms.Ava always hearts my photos, but I’m genuinely struggling without her.
With Thursday being a half day for her, we FaceTime and cook a meal together. I eat it for supper, Ava eats it for lunch. It works, kind of.
Every Friday she sends me pictures of New York, showcasing sights that have surprised or amazed her. Accompanying her around a city she’s slowly discovering is good, but I’d rather be there in the flesh.
Normally, at the weekend I send her a super short video of the lake or river I’m about to swim in, Logan panting with excitement at my side. To reciprocate, she records a section of her running route which is often by the Hudson River.Got to burn off that chocolate somehow,she tells me.And near the water reminds me of you. Everything reminds me of you.
Yeah, she’s homesick.
Remaining in London has been difficult. So often I’ve wanted to fly to New York to be with her, or at least nearby, keeping a closer eye on her. But love is sacrificing, I remind myself. It’s noble and just. So I stay behind and throw myself into my work.
Knowing Ava needs to rest as long as possible, I head to my office to complete some much-needed design work and iron out some details on a purchase I’m excited about. When I can’t wait any longer, I open up FaceTime and call her from my iMac. She answers within a few rings, her sleepy face lighting up my lovesick heart.
“Morning.”
“Afternoon.”
She giggles, stretching lazily, like a cat. When she returns her attention to the screen, the purple smudges under her eyes are starkly visible. “It’s only eight thirty here.”
“Still the afternoon for me. Get a good sleep?”
“Yeah,” she lies.
It’s been obvious from our conversations how badly she’s coping, scrolling through a million emotions on a regular basis. I’ve seen firsthand how much she grieves and despairs, and since she left she’s only got worse. Her sister’s texts confirm it, but for some reason, Ava wants to shoulder her pain by herself. “Sorry for waking you.”
She snuggles back under the duvet, propping the phone against a pillow as her eyes gather me in. “Had a busy day already?”
I fill her in on my morning so far, and the plans for tonight—dinner with Sabine and Ben.
She smiles. “Send my love.”
“Will do.”
As expected, Sabine and Ava are paternal sisters. The many ways I’m tied to Ava are insane, but I’ll never question it. Tilly and Nate have been really welcoming of Sabine, and Isla gets another auntie to spoil her rotten.
Consulting my diary that I’ve annotated with my personal countdown, I point out, “Five more weeks to go.”
“Five? I thought we were on four?”
“‘Fraid not.”
The sound of her sigh has my heart yearning for her. “God, this is dragging.”
“New York losing its charm already?”
She scoffs. “This place has charm? Hmm. Pretty sure charm is reserved for Kate and Daw’s house in Bourton-on-the-Water. That place looks idyllic.”
“Since when have you seen photos of their manor house? You been stalking famous cricketers?”
