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And I’m desperate to ask her about what happened, but that will have to wait. All I know is that it seemed like a distraction was better than eight sets of eyes focusing on her, asking:Are you alright?orWhat happened?
“Come on,” I say to Logan as I head for the front door. Opening it up, he’s outside in a flash, understanding his last chance to cock his leg before we hunker down for the night.
As I hover by the threshold, I can’t keep my eyes from drifting towards Ava’s cabin and wondering how she is. Torn between knocking and finding out or staying put, I decide on the latter. If I’m not careful, I’ll scare her away with my vast interest in her. With my readiness to throw everything I am and have at her disposal to bring justice to the people who hurt her.
Once again, my thoughts turn to my sister. I feel guilty for mentally pushing her away, for concentrating on getting to know the running girl next door. One day, I’ll tell Ava all about her, but not yet. She’s got enough to deal with; I don’t want to overtax her. I don’t want to stall her recovery.
Unable to help myself, I step closer towards the other cabin’s windows. The lights are still on, Jen, Ava and Josie drinking from mugs on the sofa.
Her face, her smile has already been committed to memory. Compared to the images I have from before, it’s strange to see her amongst friends, a network of people around her as she lives her life.
Through the glass, I watch her face light up as she chuckles at something her friend says.
Christ, she’s beautiful.
God help me if I fuck this up.
CHAPTERSIX
AVA
The cabin feelsvacuum-sealed when the door closes behind our departing dinner guests. There’s a lull of about two seconds before Tabitha smothers me in apologies. For several minutes she doesn’t stop crying while confessing her good intentions, and because I hate people beating themselves up, something I’m good at doing to myself, I try easing her conscience. It’s an experience both my sister and I are familiar with; Mum would often ignore us, shooing us away, more interested in her magazines and online celebrity searches than playing with her daughters. We were her props: a skin to practise on and daughters to boast about. Occasionally, her disregard morphed into guilt and we’d placate her, pretending it didn’t matter.
But it did. It always mattered.
With no other family to support or love us, Tilly and I areall inpeople, heavily reliant on each other. And we often fall all in for a guy. At one point, I was all in for Jonas until circumstances meant I wasn’t.
“Is she asleep?” Jen asks when I can finally leave Tabi, snoring softly in her green-hued bedroom.
I nod.
“What a fuck-up.”
I roll my eyes and flop onto the sofa. “Of the century.”
“You should have seen Ben’s face. He looked like he was going to throw up,” Josie says quietly, tucking a lock of auburn hair behind her ear. We’re all drinking tea now, sober as judges, not that I was drinking much alcohol. “It might be my imagination but he looked close to tears.”
“Really?” He was the first to suggest they leave, which earns him brownie points for being astute. “Max told me they’re here to cheer him up. He’s going through something.”
“Oh. That’s sad.”
I nod, my thoughts turning to someone else. “What was up with Max and this swim?”
“Yeah, we’ve been talking about that,” Josie begins. “I think he was probably trying to turn the attention away from, well, you know, and get all of our minds, and especially yours, onto something else. I mean, we’re all dreading the swim, right?”
There was a time when I’d turn introspective, lingering in darkness and finding it hard to snap out of it. “It confused me,” I admit. “But, yeah, I got distracted.”
“He said the sweetest thing.” Jen continues. “Knew I needed you.I mean,Ava.”
A chuckle at herAva. I know what she’s saying but I’m unwilling to consider anything more.
Even though it’s not that late, I’m ready for bed. “Are you both going to swim tomorrow?”
“Are you changing the subject?” Josie chides.
I laugh tiredly, my friends smiling at me with affection. Then, deciding not to push me too far, Josie stands, announcing, “Yes, let’s do it!”
I stand too, hugging her, pleased she’s so eager to do all the fun things still. “How are you feeling? I noticed you toying with your finger earlier. Do you miss wearing your ring?”
