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“I do. And I agree with you, that how to make it work is the challenging part.”
Good. We were on the same page. “I can't make any major changes until my mother is better,” I added.
“Totally understandable. She needs you. Declan, I’m not asking you to walk away from your responsibilities for me. I’d never do that. But I would like for us to see each other more than this. I know you have to get back to Portland in the morning. Can we try making time for each other at least once a week?” she asked, her eyes pleading with me to agree.
“That’s not going to work for me.” I saw the disappointment in her eyes. “Once a week is not enough. I want to find a way for us to be together. If not here in the States, is there another country close by that we both can travel to visit our families from?”
I wasn’t one who compromised often, but nothing ever meant as much to me as this.
“I...I have something to tell you,” she said, her tone very serious.
Please don’t shoot me down. You’re all I want. You’re all I need.
“What is it?”
“MaKayla is pregnant. I’m going to be a grandmother.”
“That’s wonderful,” I said. “Congratulations.”My mother will be jealous.
“It really is. I couldn’t be happier for them. But...but I don’t want to miss my grandchild growing up. I can’t live in another country worried if I can’t get a visa to visit. I haven’t let go of my Canadian citizenship, so coming and going right now is easy. But even with that, it’s so far. I want to hold her and rock her and take her for walks. I can’t do that if I live too far away.”
“So, you’re moving to New York?” That shocked me. She made it clear that was the one place she didn’t want to be.
“I don’t know where I’m going to be living. Damien hasn’t talked to MaKayla yet, but he doesn’t want to raise his daughter in New York City. I guess once they move, I’ll be able to decide where I want to go.”
So, you are moving to the States. Not perfect, but much better.
“Would you consider finding a place with me?” I asked.
Venus looked surprised. “In California?”
I shook my head. “Like yourself, I don’t want to be so far away from my family. My mother’s stroke changed a lot for me. I’m thinking of the east coast, by the ocean. Close by, but not too close if you know what I mean.”
“I do. I feel the same way. I want to be close, but I want my privacy too. East coast would work for me.”
“Good. We have a general location. Now, I don’t remember you saying you’d live with me,” I reminded her.
“I...I guess I didn’t. Declan, I think I should have my own apartment,” she said.
Wow. Didn’t see that coming. I thought for sure we would find a way to live together. We got along fine on the sailboat, and at the hotel. But maybe I missed something. Looking into her eyes, I could see that something wasn’t right. Had I said something wrong? Most likely.
“Venus, what did I say?”
“Nothing,” she replied.
Okay. Maybe I needed to rephrase it. “Venus, whatdidn’tI say that I should’ve?” I asked, hoping to get more of a response.
“All you did was ask me to live with you. You mentioned an us, but that’s it. Us as friends? Us as lovers? Us as a couple? I have no idea what is in your head because you’re not saying the words.”
And you need to hear them.
I had fucked it up, just like I was afraid I’d do. How can I be such a great salesman and can’t sell myself?
“You’re right. I’m sorry. Maybe I try this for the third time.” Taking a deep breath, I went back to where I had meant for this conversation to start. “You know that I have always cared for you. I’ve never kept that a secret. But until I saw you in Tabiq, I never realized how much I cared. Is it friendship? Yes, the best of friends. Is it lovers? Spicy hot lovers. But there is so much more to this. I was falling in love with you on the sailboat. And when I came back to the hotel after learning my mother had a stroke, and you showed me such tenderness and compassion, I knew then, I wasn’t falling in love with you, I wasinlove with you.”
Her eyes glistened but she didn’t cry.
“Declan, you have my heart as well. I do love you. It’s just that...I’m scared. I’ve always been on my own. I’m not sure I’m capable of being a woman who is told when to be home or where I can go.”
