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What the hell? Was she flirting with me?
I shook my head and gathered the darts, testing the weight in my hand. It didn’t matter. I was married to the church now and forever.
Why don’t you just give her the money and go then?
Because she had to earn it. She had to win. This woman didn’t seem like the kind to take handouts. But more than all that, there was a feeling in my gut that I needed to talk to her. There was something about this damn woman. Maybe she needed my help. I was a man of the church, and that was my job.
Why don’t you tell her who you are then?
Fuck my conscience.
I didn’t want to think about that, despite knowing the answer. I liked the way she looked at me; the spark in her eyes when she realized I’d caught her hustling, and the fire in her words when she stood up for herself.
She returned, setting down a bottle of light beer and a pint for me in addition to four shots, two clear, and two amber.
“I’m not going to lose my kidneys am I?” I smiled, something I’d done more with her in the last twenty minutes than I had since Maggie died.
“Your kidneys are safe from me.”
Too bad it wasn’t my kidneys I was worried about.
She grabbed one of her shots and lifted it toward me. I did the same, clinking my glass against hers, then again on the table.
“Cheers, to stealing more than your money.”
I frowned as she tipped her head back and took her shot without so much as a wince.
“Your dignity, good sir. Get your mind out of the gutter.” Her eyes gleamed with mischief.
In another life I’d challenge her, pull her into the gutter with me. The truth was she’d already stolen every bit of the dignity my shattered heart had left. This little firefly brought in on the winds of a summer storm saw my broken heart and lit it up with feelings I wasn’t allowed to have.
It was a damn shame the only way this ended was in disappointment.
I wrapped my fingers around the glass while my other hand braced against the table, searching for something to steady me. Her gaze never left mine as I brought the shot to my lips and knocked it back, savoring the burn. It wasn’t enough though. I eyed the second shot and greatly contemplated taking it, followed by two more, and then walking out of the bar.
But yet again, I didn’t. I was the epitome of the old proverb about the man who was drowning that kept saying his God would save him each time someone came to help him. My mind kept telling me to just get in the damn life raft and leave, but I wasn’t listening. It wasn’t like she would save me. She’d likely be my death. I knew that. The difference between me and the man in the story was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be saved.
That was the heart of it. I didn’t want to be saved anymore. For one night, I didn’t want my life. I didn’t want the ghosts of my past, the words of my father. I didn’t want Maggie. I wanted to be Nathaniel Reed. That’s it. No title. No reputation except for my penchant for little redheads in daisy dukes that needed a heavy hand for their smart mouth.
I didn’t know if that was even possible. Could I turn off my brain and just be for one night?
Pushing the impractical and asinine thought from my head, I nodded toward the empty glasses. “Are you even old enough to drink those?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m twenty-one.”
Of course she was. I could add cradle robbing to my new persona as well. She picked up her bottle and wrapped her painted lips around the opening. I sucked the side of my cheek between my molars and bit down, trying and failing to push away the image of her with her lips wrapped around other things. “I’m Eden, by the way.”
Fuck me.
Eden.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. It was perfect for her. She was the garden of life, growing more vibrant by the second with her confidence and enthusiasm. Eden was also riddled with temptations.
My mouth salivated at the thought, and despite every alarm going off reminding me it was ungodly and wrong, I wanted to take a bite. More than a bite. I wanted to devour her.
I could blame the alcohol coursing through my veins; it likely played a part, but the fucked up truth was I was losing the will to care what happened outside the four walls of this pub.
I could be just Nathaniel Reed.
