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Cath gazed at the closed door for a number of moments. She had to face her mother. She so wished things had not come to this.
“We don’t want to get married, Mom,” she said.
Cath marveled at the even tone of her voice. For a second she wondered what it would be like to marry Trace, to spend the pregnancy together anticipating the baby’s birth. Deciding what to name the child, how to decorate the nursery.
She shook her head as if dislodging the image. She was fine on her own.
“How can you say that? You made a baby with this man,” her mother said.
“Ever since Jason canceled our engagement I stopped thinking about getting married. I figured nobody would want me despite all your urging to forget Jason and move on. I don’t want to be caught up in love like I was then only to lose it all. Jason’s actions hurt so much. It’s safer to keep away from entanglements. Trace and I had a great time this summer. We seemed to click on so many levels, from shared values to liking the same kind of movies and books. Our tastes in music differed but that made things interesting. Then without warning he stopped calling, stopped returning my calls. I know now it was because he found out I worked for the company he was taking over and he didn’t want personal lives mixed with business.”
Cath agreed philosophically with his decision, but in her heart, she wished he’d continued to call. She could have kept the relationships separate. Or at the very least she wished that he’d explained.
“It’s not right,” Ginny said stubbornly.
“Let’s eat dinner. Then I could use a good night’s sleep. How long are you staying?” Cath asked, firmly changing the subject.
Her mother led the way back into the kitchen to dish up.
“Until tomorrow. You know your father doesn’t like doing things on his own. With all you children grown there’s nobody else to do things for him but me. So I need to get back home.”
“Are you happy being married to Daddy?” Cath asked when they were seated at the table, plates piled high with spaghetti.
“What a question,” Ginny said.
“You never worked outside the home. You never had a career except being a mom to your kids and a wife to Daddy. I just wondered—is it enough?”
“It was my choice and for me it’s been enough. Now I get to spend time with my grandkids. For some people maybe they’d want more. It probably would not be enough for you who likes her job so much. Or have you used it as a substitute for getting a family?”
Cath gazed off dreamily.
“Before when I thought I couldn’t get pregnant it was my only option—it wasn’t a choice. Now, I wonder what it would be like to stay home with my baby. Watch it grow from a tiny infant into a rambunctious toddler. See it learn, be fascinated by the world. It sounds fun on the one hand, but I’ve been so consumed with my work, I feel I couldn’t make it just talking to a baby all day. Am I wrong in wanting to combine both career and motherhood?”
“Not wrong, just your choice. I made different ones. But you’re not superwoman. Some things will have to change. You don’t just add a baby to the mix and go on the way you’ve been doing.”
“I know that already and have only known I’m pregnant for a week. I’m cutting back on the hours I work. I’ll manage.”
“I want you to more than manage. I want you to thrive.”
Cath smiled. “I’m glad you came, Mom. Tell me more of what I can expect as this baby develops.”
Her mother left for home early the next morning. Cath enjoyed her visit. They’d talked far into the night about what having a baby would entail.
Cath went to work not knowing what to expect from Trace. She felt let down as the day progressed and Trace never called her or asked to see her. She tried to tell herself she was fine with that. She had lots to catch up on.
But she was annoyed he seemed to compartmentalize his life when she was so focused on the coming baby and the connection with its father. Yet, he had told her this week would be hectic.
Cath went to work each day, did her best and came home early to rest. She took time to review all the material that the attorney had given her. She also read two of her books on being pregnant and caring for a newborn. She was in bed each night by eight, and often thought of Trace before falling asleep.
Saturday morning she rose early to make sure her apartment was spotless before Trace arrived. She didn’t know if he’d want to come inside before going for another walk. But cleaning kept her busy and not fretting about the coming confrontation.
Promptly at ten Trace rang her doorbell. She opened a couple of seconds later. He wore dark chords and a sweater.
“It’s cold out,” he said. “Dress warmly. I think a brisk walk is in order.”
“Easier to talk when walking than face-to-face?” she asked.
“Right. Plus, it puts us in neutral territory.”
