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Kira got up from the floor and rubbed her cheeks with the back of her hand, cleaning her tears. Tears that I have caused. “I am really sorry,” she mumbled, but her voice was barely audible. She looked at me one last time and then flew to the stairs mumbling more unintelligible shit. She looked so fucking broken.
Why did she look like that?
Would that be better if I have let her suck me off just because she thought she had to? Use her like the others did? She should have been happy. She should have seen that I was different than them. She should have seen there was a world out there clear from the type of people she was afraid of.
I sat on the floor and took my head between my hands. What did I do wrong?
I tried my best, and in the end, I caused her tears. Why couldn’t I just make her happy? Fuck, I wanted to make her happy. Since the first time I saw her, I have wanted to make her happy.
A smile that beautiful deserved to exist more in this fucked up world.
“Fuck!” I shouted to the empty house. I wanted to understand. I just wanted to be good for her.
I sat there for God knows how many minutes. My head filled with too many questions, and my heart filled with terrible pain.
Did she really wanted to touch me? Was that the reason she was so broken? Did she get sad because I told her I didn’t want her touch? Or was it because I pushed her? It was not a very gentle push, but it shouldn’t have hurt her.
What was the problem?
I just didn’t want to treat her like they did. I didn’t want to touch her without her wish.
Oh.
Oh shit.
That was the reason. I pushed her and told her I didn’t want it. I made her feel likeshetouched me whenIdidn’t want her to touch me. She felt like she treated me the way she was treated.
That’s why she was so terrified.
Fuck me.
I felt even more like an asshole and got to my feet. Eight years ago, I promised myself I was not going to make a mistake for a woman again. Today I was not so sure about that if the mistake was going to make her happy. But I knew one thing for sure, I was not going to make a mistakewithher.
I was going to try to fix things. I had to fix things.
When I reached her room, I found her door was ajar. She was sitting on her bed, and her head was between her hands, the same position I had been a few minutes ago. She was mumbling to herself. I could only make up the word “Tupoy.”
She seemed regretful, and I felt horrible for not making myself clear. My brain was not getting too much blood at the moment. Still, it was not an excuse for making her like this. She deserved the best of everything. I had to give that to her.
“Kira,” I said with a soft but hearable voice.
She looked up, and I saw her tear-washed cheeks. She quickly brushed them away. “Gabriele?” she said like a question.
I took slow steps towards the bed and looked at the face that made my chest tighten. “Please don’t cry,” I said. I really couldn’t take it.
She didn’t listen to me. More tears escaped from her eyes. “Gabriele, I am sorry. I really didn’t think…”
I cupped her cheek to stop her. I loved doing that. It felt like holding the whole world in the palm of my hand. “I am the one that should apologize.”
This time she only looked confused. It was good. Everything was better than her tears. “But I… you didn’t want me to touch you.”
I sat next to her on the bed, but my hand didn’t leave her cheek. I didn’t know if it was intentional, but she was pressing her face into it, so there was no way I could pull it away. “It is not about that, Kira. I didn’t think you could take it differently. I should have chosen my words carefully. I am sorry.”
Her eyes widened a bit, and she hiccupped. Man, even that was so cute. “No one ever apologized to me,” she whispered with a weak voice.
I would prefer taking a beating from all of the Bratva instead of hearing that weak voice. I hated everyone who made her like this. I hated everyone who treated her like trash.
She was a diamond.
