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I didn’t know how she was going to react to me. I didn’t know how I was going to make her forgive me. I just didn’t know what to do.
She jumped up from the bed, coming towards me, but my head fell between my shoulders in shame. “Luce,” I said weakly. I was going to apologize despite not being sure if it was enough, but before I could, Luce wrapped her arms around me.
“Don’t say anything,” she whispered. She held me close like before and pressed a kiss to my neck. “You don’t have to say anything, Valerio.”
And that was more than enough. I hugged her back, buried my face in her hair, and I started crying. I didn’t remember the last person who saw me cry, but at this moment, I didn’t feel an ounce of shame.
Luce pressed her head to my chest. “It is okay,” she soothed me. “I am here.”
She was here. She was here for me. I didn’t have to fight anymore. I was allowed to be weak now.
As I kept crying into her hair, I knew I was so fucking lucky to have her, and I knew I loved this woman with my whole existence.
Luce was not someone I wanted to keep secrets from in order to protect her. I wanted to be her rock, but she was also my rock. She was my equal. She was someone I wanted to share my secrets so she would help me carry them.
So those words left my lips as I cried, holding my wife, “I am ready to tell you, Luce.”
“You know you don’t have to tell me, Val,” Luce whispered into the darkness.
After I said those words, she didn’t answer right away. She just let me hold her and cry a bit more. I probably cried more than I did in years. She pulled me to the bed when I calmed down and put her body over mine. She was a small thing, but the weight of her body made me feel good. It reminded me that she was real and she was here. I was not alone. She was here to give me a helping hand.
Because of that, her words were nonsense. I knew I never had to do anything for Luce. It was never an obligation with her.
“I want to,” I answered.
Light brown eyes came to mine, and her body tensed. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “After what you saw, I don’t want to hide it. I don’t want you to wonder and create scenarios in your head. More importantly than that, though, Iwantyou to know.”
“Okay.”
“You don’t have to tell anything back,” I assured her, remembering our earlier conversation. I never wanted to push her into something she didn’t want.
Luce’s expression didn’t change much. She cupped my chin and softly kissed my lips. “Tell me, Valerio,” she said, and that was enough for me to tell her my biggest secret.
Chapter 32
Valerio
Everyone knew me as the Monster in our world since my initiation, but someone called me by that name long before that. I didn’t know when was the first time. I didn’t remember. Maybe it was when I was a baby. The person who started that nickname knew me for a long time, after all.
Duran Ricci was present in my life for most of my childhood. He didn’t live in Chicago, but he was close friends with my father. He could have very well visited to congratulate my father when I was first born. I didn’t know. I never asked anyone.
I never wanted Duran in my life more than he already was.
He called me a monster because I was a naughty kid. I didn’t even pay that any mind. I was a Vasile. Everyone treated me like a prince anyway. I didn’t care about an old man’s opinion. That was, of course, until he started calling me that when we were alone.
I also didn’t remember when was the first time he touched me. The first memory I remember was when I was five. He cornered me on the toilet and touched my penis before showing me his. I didn’t even know that was inappropriate until years later. He was always slow and sneaky in his missions. Maybe he did something that wasn’t suspicious before, but that accident in the toilet was my first ugly memory with him.
I didn’t tell anyone about that. I didn’t know it was something I was supposed to tell anyone.
Visit by visit, he increased the impact. At one point, he did things I knew I was supposed to tell people. By age eight, I knew my mother or my father were supposed to know the things he was doing to me. I told him that. I tried to stop him by saying I was going to talk to my father.
But he was ready for that threat.
Duran told me if my father ever found out, he would hate me. He would feel ashamed for having a gay son because sucking cock meant that I was gay. It was not allowed in our world. My father would kill me to clear his name, and if I ever told anyone else, I would put them in danger too.
Little me believed that with all his heart. I didn’t tell anyone, and soon enough, Duran realized he could use that for blackmail. He said if I didn’t do what he wanted, he would tell my father what we did. I was so scared that I never said no to him again.
