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Jennie takes a big breath, then says, “Okay. Well, first of all, don’t panic.”
“Don’t panic? You’re joking, right?”
“Well, all right. This is kind of a curveball, sure—”
“How can I be pregnant? I just can’t believe this.”
“Well,” she said, “I mean…have you been having sex with anyone lately.”
“No! Of course not, I…” Immediately Jack comes to mind. It was almost a month ago and he’d been the only one since…well, since I don’t know how long. God, I can’t believe that stupid romp in the back seat of his friend’s car has cost me this much!
“Okay, when do you get off work?”
I look at the clock on my computer. “Um, in a few hours. Why?”
“I’m coming over tonight with a pregnancy test.”
“Jennie—”
“It’ll be fine, okay? No matter what. But we need to know for sure before we go any further with this, right?” Jennie said reassuringly.
“I can get my own test—”
“I know that. But on the off chance that you’re actually pregnant…well, you probably shouldn’t be alone. Okay?”
I mull over her words silently, biting my thumb out of habit.
“Okay?” Jennie repeats a little louder.
“Yes, okay, fine.” I hang up and lean back in my office chair. This can’t be happening. It’s just a bug. The stomach flu or some weird virus. And as for my period, I’ve been stressed out lately. Stress can delay a period. That’s all this is…right?
I sleepwalk through the rest of my day, the cloud of a possible pregnancy hanging over me.What if I am pregnant? What do I do? What about my job? I can’t take time off for maternity leave. I’ll have to find a sitter and I’ll have to take the baby to doctor’s appointments and nursery school and elementary school and…and…
And Jack. What the hell am I going to do about Jack?
Jennie’s already waiting for me in her car when I get home. She follows me in, a plastic drug store bag in her hand and her brow creased with worry. Once inside, she lays out three different test kits on the coffee table and says, “I wasn’t sure which one was more accurate, so…I just got one of everyone they had.
I look at them, fear seizing me for a moment. I feel Jennie’s warm hand on my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Sarah,” she says, “no matter what it says.”
I nod at her, then I pick up all three boxes and I take them with me to the bathroom.
All three tests involved me peeing on a stick, but each had a different readout. One had lines, another had colors, and the third had a ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’ window. I followed the directions for each, then set all three on the bathroom sink…and waited.
Outside of the bathroom, Jennie was waiting by the door. “Well?” she asked.
“Gotta wait fifteen minutes,” I tell her. “Let me make you some tea. I’ve got a ton of it.”
We go into the kitchen and I make the two of us some ginger tea. The nausea’s still going strong and, in some ways, it’s a little worse now that I could add nervousness on top of this situation.
“Jennie,” I say as we sat at my kitchen table, the gingery smell of tea wafting between us. “If this test is positive…I really don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Jennie rests a hand on top of mine. “Let’s just get over this hurdle before we start buying baby clothes.”
“I mean it. If I’m pregnant, I’ll have to tell Jack.” This is the first time I’m even saying his name out loud. I told Jennie about what happened and even then, it was ‘my ex’ rather than his name.
“What if he doesn’t want this?” I say, “Or worse, what if he does?”
“You know, there are other choices you could make,” she said. “You know you don’t have to keep it if that’s what it comes to.”
