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“You…actually thought about not having it?”
She nodded. “A baby is a big life decision. I mean, it changes absolutely everything. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take on that responsibility.”
In between the hassle and hustle of the rush of the past few days, I haven’t properly thought through my options. My brain is shutting the doors on all other choices, especially after Jack handled the news so well.
I realize I’m unconsciously holding a hand over my stomach, prompting me to let go of it in a hurry. I did intend to tell Stacy about my situation, just not now. I can’t bear a conversation like that at the moment.
“Obviously, I chose to keep the baby,” she goes on. “I honestly have no idea why, but my heart just convinced me to wait for a little before making a decision. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was my gut feeling, but I just knew that time would give me the decision I needed. And it did. I looked at baby pictures of myself, you know? And seeing how my mom and dad were holding my little hand and doing all sorts of things…. I just ended up having this little clarity inside of me–that I want that too. I wanted to be a mom.” She smiles, reminiscing.
I tilt my head at her. Stacy sounds so mature now. This refined quality in her tone shows how much she’d matured since college.
“You’re not scared?” I ask her. “I mean…what if you mess things up?”
“Of course I’m scared,” she says with a chuckle. “I’m terrified of screwing up. I mean, raising a child is a huge undertaking. But I don’t know. Whenever I think about my baby, see his ultrasound pictures, and see him floating around in his small little world, all my worries just fly away. I just know that we’ll be okay.” She smiles, the peace and serenity in her eyes as she talked, touching something deep inside me.
I take a moment to process everything she said, my brain going completely silent for a single second. I guess I never really thought about it like that. I’ve been so busy worrying that I never actually focused on the baby and what it might be like for him.
Miraculously, my nerves are calmed down for the first time in days. I figure, if she can do this, so can I. I sigh, for the first time in a long while, in relief.
“Wow,” I say with a smile. “I’ll bet you’re going to make a great mom, Stacy.”
“I certainly hope so,” she chuckles. “And what about you? We’ve been talking about me all this time. What’s going on with you?”
We talk for another hour or so, conversing about everything and nothing at the same time. I still don’t tell her anything about my predicament. I’m still processing that, but we still catch up just the same. It feels good to reminisce about the good, old college days with Stacy. I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to her and her easygoing personality.
We part ways after a while, promising to keep in touch more often. I drive back home with a smile on my face and a sense of relief in my mind.
Monday rolls around as quickly as the sand slips through the proverbial hourglass. The doctor’s visit I have scheduled for today is something I dread a lot. Jennie initially offered to go with me, but Jack insisted on accompanying me this time. I agreed, although a little hesitantly.
The doorbell rang, the door opening to reveal Jack. He’s early. Although he’s dressed very casually, he still looks gorgeous. His dark hair is swept across his forehead, his cocoa-brown eyes twinkling as he looks at me.
“Ready to go?” he says excitedly. I smile unconsciously. He’s eager to find out about the baby.
“Yeah,” I say, letting him in. “I just need to get my purse.” He follows behind me as I walk into the kitchen to get my purse on one of the chairs.
“Did you eat anything?” Jack opens my refrigerator, perusing the sparse items inside.
“Excuse you, Mr. Nosy.” I nudge him out of the way and shut the door.
“You didn’t eat anything, did you?” he slowly questions, a small exasperated sigh leaving his lips.
“Oh, my gosh. I’m fine. Stop pestering me.” I fold my arms in front of me, daring him to argue.
“Just as stubborn as ever,” he chuckles with a shake of his head. “Do you need anything to make you feel better?”
You, I think, but clasp my lips shut.
It feels as if six years haven’t passed, as if we were still those two young people, stupidly blind and atrociously dumb in love.
“A toasted bagel wouldn’t kill me,” I offer.
“Coming right up.” He turns to the bag of bagels on the counter and he gets to work slicing them.
This feels like old times. It’s nice.
I used to have a nasty habit of skipping meals, and he would make sure I ate something throughout the day. Thedéjà vuI feel is so strong I have to sit down.
“You know you don’t have to do that,” I say while watching him bustle around my kitchen. He still has a runner’s body, lean with broad shoulders. His ass, filling his jeans out just right, is still just as appealing.
