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Jack gives me an “oh, please” roll of his eyes and swipes the cream cheese from the fridge.
The toaster pops out the sesame bagel, and he hot-potatoes it onto a plate. “What about some fresh fruit on top? You have strawberries?”
“Bananas,” I say, making myself useful by plucking one from the counter and handing it over.
“Potassium. Good.” He spreads a healthy dose of cream cheese on the warm bagel, then slices up the banana to go on top.
“You know, you haven’t changed, Jack. You always were a nurturer.”
“I have had practice with Martin.” He smiles. “I’d love for you to meet him. The kid’s so smart.”
“Wonder where he gets that from.”
“No clue,” Jack jokes. He cuts the bagel into smaller bites. “Here. Open wide.” He puts the bite to my mouth teasingly, beckoning me to open my mouth like a child.
“Not funny,” I say but laugh. “Give me that. I’m an adult.” I grab the piece of bagel from him and pop it into my mouth.
He stands too close as I chew and swallow. His gaze is on my lips.
I sigh. The bagel actually tastes superb.
He nods, seeming satisfied. “I think I’ll join you. I missed breakfast this morning.” He slides another bagel into the toaster.
“Help yourself,” I banter and give him a cute smile. “You always did.”
“I think you mean, ‘Thank you for feeding me, Jack. You are always thinking of me, Jack. You are my hero, Jack’.” His voice sing-songs, making me laugh again.
“Right, of course, that’s what I meant.”
We eat together, talking about things here and there, preserving a bit of normalcy in the chaos our lives have become. I cherish the peace and quiet, even if it is momentary. My brain became accustomed to constant overthinking in the past few days, so Jack’s presence is really helpful in making me focus on the present and nothing else.
After the bagels, he gets up and hustles me out of the kitchen. “Come on, we’re running late now.” He gestures for me to go out first, with a hand on my lower back. Outside, we make our way to the car, where he, as usual, opens my door. Maybe it’s the hormonal imbalance going on in my body right now, but being reminded of all the things he used to do, all the things he does without even noticing, is making me a bit emotional.
I exhale all these thoughts, focusing on the coming doctor’s appointment, something that will be very frequent in the coming months. As much as I dread the doctor, I also feel a bit of relief. Relief at the company, relief because I’m not alone in this situation.
Jack’s with me.
Yeah, we’re going to be okay. Hopefully.
# # #
Six years ago…
Jack’s banging at my door. I can’t let him in. If I do, we’ll just end up making up and making out. I can’t be around Jack without wanting to kiss him.
So I don’t answer the door.
I can’t.
I have been crying nonstop since last night after seeing him at the party. I can’t believe he forgot all about me again. It’s just so disrespectful! I just don’t understand how he can treat me like this…
I have cried way too much over this man. His carefree attitude and irresponsible behavior don’t just hurt his grades in school. He’s hurting me too. Repeatedly.
Every time he says he’s sorry, I forgive him. And every time, he’d promise not to do it again. He’d promised to include me in his plans more. How many times did he say he only wanted to make me happy?I love you, Sarah. Your happiness is all I want…
And just like he does every single time, he forgot all about me. It’s like his default setting or something. How expected I have ever expected him to change?
I just can’t let him keep breaking my heart over and over again.
