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“You were rather late coming in last night,” Sarah says. “Where were you?”
I’m annoyed at her questioning, but I don’t show it. We don’t like to fight in front of the kids.
“Just having a few drinks with Clark. It’s no big deal.” I drink my coffee and continue to check the messages on my phone.
“You could have called.”
“Why? Because you’ll wait up for me?”
She’s glaring at me. I can feel her stare on the side of my face. “Maybe. Or maybe I’d just like to know you are safe or in a ditch somewhere.”
I sighed. “I just had a few drinks,” I say. “I’m a grown man, Sarah. You don’t have to mother me.”
She rolls her eyes and goes cold and silent. This isn’t a new argument. It seems like we’ve been having this argument for years.
She gets up and leaves the room and I know I’ve fucked up. I follow her. “Sarah. Hey, come on, don’t bust my balls over this.”
“I’m at home,” I say, “all day with these kids. I’m changing diapers and wiping runny noses while you’re out palling around with your buddies.”
“They’re my colleagues—”
“They’re your buddies,” she yells. “God, I can’tbelievethis. This is just like when we were in college. It’s the same thing all over again.”
“Don’t start with that again,” I say angrily. “You know what your problem is, Sarah. You’re stuck in the past.”
“I’mstuck in the past? I’m stuck in the past?! Am I the one who can’t seem to stop partying with his homeboys while his wife and kids are at home wondering if he’s dead or alive?!”
Her shouts have upset the kids. Ava starts screaming and Martin’s looking at us with terrified eyes.
“Look what you did,” Sarah growls as she walks back into the kitchen and picks up the baby.
“Look whatIdid? You know what? You’re insane! You’re…” I stop myself. Martin has put his hands over his ears and the baby is crying even louder now. Sarah bounces her up and down to calm her.
“I’ve gotta get to work,” I say sorely and stalk out of the door.
I’m ashamed I let our argument get out of control. I don’t know what’s wrong with us lately. We’ve lost control, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I don’t want to argue with Sarah, and the fight’s just another reminder that even the most minor disagreements can escalate quickly. It’s essential to communicate effectively and not let emotions take over … but how do we do that?
I come straight home from work. Sarah’s in the kitchen making dinner, so I go to Martin’s room, where he’s doing his homework, and sit on his bed beside him.
“Hey, kid,” I say. “How are you doing?”
Martin shrugs and he doesn’t look up at me. I sigh. “Listen,” I say, “I just came in here to tell you that I’m sorry about this morning. Your mom and I…were just having a little disagreement. That’s all.”
He gave me a look and I almost laughed. He could sure serve some glances this kid.
“Okay,” I said. “It was a fight. But we want you to know that it had nothing to do with you. You know that, right?”
He nods and I ruffle his hair. “We love you very much,” I say. “And we shouldn’t have fought like that in front of you and your sister.”
“It’s okay,” says Martin. I wish I could say the same thing to Ava.
That evening, we have dinner and Sarah is still pretty cold to me. I shouldn’t have said the things that I did. I wish I could take it back.
I can’t deny that my emotional baggage from my previous relationship with Sarah is affecting our current relationship. The hurt and pain from that experience still linger with me. I find it hard to fully trust Sarah and open up to her about my feelings. I’m constantly worried that she’ll hurt me again, and I can’t shake off that fear.
The next morning when I get up, Sarah is sitting at the kitchen table with her coffee in front of her. “Where are the kids?” I ask her.
