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I’mthankfulforthedeep tread and the warm shearling lining of my winter boots. The salt scattered over the sidewalk adds grip to the icy surface as the snow crunches under the weight of my steps. It’s brutally cold and the wind tugs at my hood, threatening to steal it from the top of my head. In spite of the cold, I shed my gloves to pull my phone from my pocket and check messages. Still nothing. Well, nothing that matters, anyway. There are the usual work emails and random texts from friends, but Jordan hasn’t responded to any of my messages. This has been the longest we’ve gone without talking, and I know the timing is not a coincidence.
She’s beating herself up over Cole. When I saw her the other night, it was obvious she had been crying. I had hoped when she opened up to me about her traumatic past and the motivation behind her intense drive, that she would have also opened up enough to let me help her. It could have brought us closer. She didn’t want my help, though, and I hope my offer didn’t offend her. Since then, she seems to have only drifted further away from me.
At first, her silence had driven me mad. I wanted to keep calling her until she picked up. To demand that she talk to me. That would have been a mistake. It would only have shown I’m unable to respect her boundaries. Or come off as desperate, as if a minute without her would be unbearable. Even if that were true, it’s best not to show it. I’ve got a life of my own, and so I’ve left her alone, stopped texting, and haven’t called. When she’s ready, she’ll let me know. Or maybe she’ll never be ready and I’ve ruined everything.
Yet, somehow I ended up here, in her neighborhood. I wasn’t thinking about going to her place when I parked my car and started walking. I just headed out to enjoy the snow-glazed scenery and the fresh air. I’d thought to myself,maybe I’ll even live a little and splurge on a mocha. Now, I’maccidentallyonly three blocks from her apartment. I stop and look up at the buildings stretching overhead. Hers is hidden from where I’m standing, but I picture her at her bay window, looking down at the city as she takes a quick break from studying. I wonder if she’s thinking of me.
What am I doing out here like some kind of stalker?I turn around and start walking in the other direction, determined to put some distance between us. It’s the weekend, and this part of town is full of hipster cafés and home decor shops, so the sidewalks are crowded. I step off the sidewalk to make room for a woman struggling to push her stroller over the snow, and when I step back onto the sidewalk, I seeher.
It’s Jordan. Dressed in a white, puffy coat and matching hat, and light-wash jeans hugging her thighs. She’s looking in the windows of a brick-fronted store, her cheeks pink from the cold. She hasn’t spotted me yet.
As if she senses my gaze, she turns in my direction and stops, her dark eyes wide. I raise my hand in greeting and after an awkward moment, she does the same. We move toward each other like two magnets forced together by an invisible force.
“Tyson, hey,” she says as we meet. She’s biting her lip, a move that drives me wild even when it’s only a sign of her shyness. “What are you doing over here?”
Shit.“Just doing a little shopping. I love this place.” I point at the store behind her. It’s full of plants and I’m grateful she’s never been to my place where the only plants are impeccably crafted fakes.
“Right.” She drags out the word and I know I’m caught in a lie. But what was I supposed to say,just skulking around your neighborhood because I’m worried about you?
“Has school been brutal?” It’s the usual reason she would disappear, hunkering down to study with her single-minded focus, but I know there’s more to it this time, and I want to draw it out of her.
“It always is. I’ve just got a lot going on right now.” She squeezes her eyes shut and rubs them with her hands. “I don’t even think coffee can help me at this point.”
I’ve never seen her look so frazzled. The purple rings beneath her eyes speak of long, sleepless nights and way-too-early mornings. She’s not as vibrant as usual. “How are you holding up?” I want to pull her into a hug but she’s so stiff, arms crossed over her chest, that I know she wouldn’t welcome it.
She shrugs. “I’m just trying to get my head on straight again. Focus on school. I’ve got a big project due soon and there’s always a test coming up. It’s a lot. I can’t afford any distractions right now.”
Ouch. Is that all I am, a distraction?But this isn’t about me, and I know that. After what she told me about her past, I know exactly why she’s like this and all it makes me want to do is take some of that burden off of her.
“Yeah, I get it.” I smile, trying for nonchalance, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking past me with wide eyes.
I turn and see what caught her attention. Cole. He’s tall enough to pick out above the crowd and the stormy look on his face has people moving out of his way. His eyes are locked on me.
“Maybe you should go,” Jordan says, pushing my arm. “He doesn’t look happy to see you.”
“If he’s got something to say, he can say it to my face. Were you meeting him?” I try not to let the jealousy creep into my voice but it’s burning through my body. She’s avoiding me, but she’ll go out to see Cole? I know they’ve been friends forever, but I thought I meant more to her than that.
She nods, lifting her chin as if she’s daring me to say anything about it. “For coffee. He’s been relentless about wanting to see me.”
I hold up my hands. I don’t want to fight with her and she can make her own choices. Still, it stings.
“What areyoudoing here?“ Cole spits out when he’s still five feet away. People turn to look at us, size up the situation, and move on quickly. “Is he bothering you, Anders?”
“Don’t make me out to be some kind of creep.” I step in front of Jordan, blocking Cole from getting to her. For the first time, FaerieBeast isn’t with him.
“We just bumped into each other,” Jordan says, pushing me to the side.
“Is that what he told you?” Cole rounds on me. “You’re the whole reason she has sequestered herself away, you know that? Everything was fine until you showed up. Why are you even here?”
He jabs his finger into my chest and I barely fight back the urge to snap it off. “It’s got nothing to do with me. We were having a fine time that night until you showed up. Maybe it’s time for a look in the mirror, asshole.”
Both Jordan and Cole flush as I mention that night — Jordan a delicate pink that creeps over her cheeks and Cole a tomato red that starts at his neck and works its way up to his ears. Good. I hope the thought of it drives him mad.
“And we were fine together for years until you showed up.” Cole’s voice grows louder. People are giving us a wide berth, stepping down onto the street to avoid us on the sidewalk. “Go back to your rich playboy life and leave us alone. You’ve done enough damage here, don’t you think?”
Jordan glances at me from the corner of her eye. I know what she’s thinking. “Rich playboy” isn’t what you want to hear about the man you just gave your virginity to, and I’m sure she’s regretting that night and all the nights with me that led up to it.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so keep your mouth shut. I came here for Mom and I’ll stay here for as long as she wants me to. There’s nothing you can say that’s going to change that.” I knock his finger away from my chest.
