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I stay inside her, holding her, kissing her… overwhelmed by the need to stay with her. My heart feels full and satisfied that whatever happens, I would be happy as long as Cassidy is there with me.
23
Cassidy
Isit at Ethan’s desk looking through the stacks of papers he had lain out there and try to get last night off my mind. Something has shifted and even though I felt it then, I was and still am helpless to stop it. We’ve gone too far in our little game and things are starting to feel very real, more real the closer Ethan is to me.
It is this sudden intense tenderness I felt towards him that drove me out of bed early and has me sitting in his study hours before I would have liked to get up.
I look up to find Ethan standing in the doorway smiling at me. I blush and look away, pretending to be captivated by the thin file in my hands.
“Good morning,” I say.
“Hi,” he replies simply.
I can hear the smile in his voice and I smile back instinctively.
“You couldn’t sleep?” he asks, walking towards me. He leans down to kiss me and I move my head away, letting him kiss only my cheek.
Ethan flinches, wounded by my rejection, and sits across from me.The pang of guilt runs through me, but I continue to pretend to read. But all I can think of is the mess I’ve landed in by simply ‘going with the flow’.
I actively avoided putting a label on things, having any discussions about the future or what anything means beyond the moment. But still I found myself falling. After last night, I am falling faster than ever and I know Ethan is falling too. I can feel it in the way he touches me, holds me, and how he is looking at me right now.
He’s staring at me with more adoration than one friendly business partner should have for another.
It frightens me, the way I feel about him and the way I am now certain he feels about me. These feelings that I’ve only recently learned to suppress threaten to ruin everything. Both the resort and the dreams of my new bakery are at stake here and I can’t afford to let my emotions get in the way.
Ethan looks at me and I know what he is about to say before he even says it. I can feel it in my gut and I so desperately want him to stop. But I know he won’t.
He leans across the desk and sees the fear in my eyes. Ethan holds my hand and prepares to blow up everything we’ve been working for.
“I don’t think we met by chance or by accident or anything like that,” Ethan says. I flinch and try to pull my hand away but he holds me in place. “And I know, I know it sounds crazy especially coming from me, but this whole thing, trying to manufacture love from nothing has taught me that it’s impossible,” Ethan says.
When at first he told me the resort wouldn’t work he looked shattered, but this time is different. He seems almost pleased to deliver the news to me.
He does not look defeated or troubled by any of the things he’s saying, while I can feel my eyes getting wider and wider. As soon as I have allowed myself to hope again, make plans, this happens and everything falls apart right in front of me. I have been afraid of my own feelings all along, but it wasn’t until last night that I realized Ethan is falling too.
“Cassidy, this is fate. What were the chances really that we would have met that morning, had this exact same conversation then went through all of this together?”
This all sounds crazy coming from him. Ethan Knight, a man who doesn’t believe in love or anything related to it, talking to me about fate?
I stare at him blankly, frozen by shock. I can’t believe how easy all this is for him. He’s a born again romantic and he expects me to just accept that and move on. I have too much to lose here.
“I think I love you, Cassidy,” he says.
The words that would have thrilled me just a few weeks ago are devastating now. The old Cassidy would have done anything to have a man sit her down and tell her he has fallen in love with all the sincerity in Ethan's voice. But now things are different. I am different.
“I mean, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. I didn’t want to feel this way. In fact, I fought hard not to, but now,” Ethan takes both my hands in his. “Let’s stop the madness with the resort and the bet and everything else,” he says.
I blink and a tear rolls down my cheek. Ethan wipes it gently from my face and moves to kiss me. My body responds before my mind can get around what’s happening. I find myself kissing Ethan back, our hands slowly moving over each other’s bodies until I feel him gently pull me to my feet.
“We have Lizzy’s wedding today, remember?" I ask, pulling away from him.
I asked Ethan to go to the wedding with me first because I was just tired of showing up to things alone. The plans changed and attending the wedding became about the bet. We agreed to go together to show off just how well his plan had worked for his friend. At the time it made sense, but now I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. Not right now.
“Oh, I remember. I also know we still have hours before we have to leave,” Ethan coos, leaning over the desk to kiss me.
I’m weak from a second and let it happen, let his lips press against mine, part my lips slightly to let his tongue dance with mine like I had so many times before. But this time feels different.
