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“Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need anything, and I meananything.”
“I will, thank you.”
With that, she leaves the room and closes the door behind her. I glance down to the beautiful strong girl in my arms who is a model of strength and sacrifice. I brush her hair from her face and place a kiss on top of her head. I close my eyes with thoughts of finding ways to bring a smile back on Shorty’s angelic face.
Chapter 14- Sadie
THE FUNERAL
“There,” Lupe says, adding the final touches to my dress.
I have never dreaded a day until today.
Jo’s funeral.
The girls came by the hospital and helped me prepare for the service. We decided to wear Josiah’s favorite color—blue—instead of the standard black. I wear a navy guipure lace chiffon dress, and my hair is pulled up in a high curly bun.
“You look beautiful, Reina,” Tiny says softly.
“Thank you. And thank you for everything—for being here,” I say in a whisper as I glance at my best friends.
The girls have stuck by my side since Josiah passed. They’re my ride-or-die sisters; my Pink Ladies; my Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy. They make my days brighter. Sometimes, we only need to know we’re cared for and loved.
And today, that’s enough for me.
“Where’s Sophia?” I ask.
“Your Abuelita thought it was best if she went with her and Titi Paloma. They’re going to meet us at the gravesite,” Tia responds.
“Ready?” Telle asks, holding the door open.
No, I will never be ready.
* * *
The clouds overhead are so thick that no sunlight can get through. When the breeze sweeps through the trees, I open my mouth to inhale a lungful of fresh spring air, but it doesn’t ease the tension that has built in my shoulders.
Grief hangs in the air like a thick wool blanket, covering the entire gravesite. Tears flood my eyes as I stare at my brother’s black coffin, and grief spreads through me like cancer. I tilt my head to the sky and welcome the light sprinkle tickling my face.
“Sadie, I am so sorry for your loss,” our neighbor Gloria says, wearing all black and a massive hat with one of those veils.
“Thank you,” I say with a small smile.
And the sorrys just keep coming like a pitching machine.
I want to scream every time I hear someone say, “He’s in a better place,” “The pain won’t be forever,” or my favorite, “I understand what you’re going through.”
The hell you do! I want to punch them in the face.
“We gather here today to celebrate the life of Josiah Ramirez and to say goodbye,” the funeral officiant began, but I can’t focus on what he’s saying.
I keep my gaze firmly on the pictures of Josiah sitting on easels beside his headstone with one large standing spray flower arrangement in the middle. Tia and the girls did an amazing job of putting the picture boards together because there was no way in hell I would’ve been able to get through that.
Donnie quietly sits beside me with my hand in his lap. I find comfort in his presence. Abuela holds a sleeping Sophia in her arms while wiping her tears with her free hand.
“On behalf of the Ramirez family, we would like to thank you for coming here today to mourn Josiah’s loss and remember the good memories he left behind,” the officiant says, ending with a brief prayer in Spanish.
I watch as they slowly lower the coffin into the ground. That’s when the empty heartache seeps in. Everything around me blurred as my eyes remained on the coffin.
