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“Are you okay? I know it’s been a big day.”
Her little head nodded beneath my chin. “I love Daddy, very much. He’s nice and very funny. I wish he could never go away again.”
My own eyes welled with tears and I was thankful Remi couldn’t see the reaction her words were having on me. “I don’t think he will, baby.” I knew Chase and I could see the instant bond between the two. “I mean, he has to play soccer and stuff, but I’m sure you’ll see him a lot.”
“Can he move in with you, me, and Jensey??”
I sighed, inhaling as much as my lungs could hold and letting it out slowly. It was all so complicated and a huge mess to be sorted out. “I don’t think so, honey, but we’ll figure it all out, I promise. Right now, Daddy, Jensey and Mommy just want to get you well.”
I’d told Jensen from the start that Remi would know about Chase and so we agreed we’d have her refer to him as Jensey, and that extra special little girls get an extra daddy. He wasn’t happy about it, but at the time, we had no way of knowing where our lives would end up. If only I’d had a crystal ball. Regret was a futile emotion with nothing to gain from it, but I couldn’t seem to push it away.
It wasn’t long until Chase came back laden down with a bag of fast food and a full drink tray. His hair was damp and stuck to his forehead, but he wasn’t out of breath, though he must have run the whole way to get back so quickly.
“The ice cream might be melting a bit,” he said upon entering the room. “You may have to eat that first, honey.” He set the drinks down and dug into the bag for the straws and a spoon, before pulling the smallest cup from the tray.
“Can I, Mommy?” Remi asked, reaching for the Frosty Chase was offering.
“Yes, it’s fine this time.”
“Yay!” Her little hands started to remove the lid and I helped her so she wouldn’t spill it, while Chase continued to unload the food and spread it out in front of all of us.
I wasn’t that hungry, but I made an effort while Chase and Remi talked together and enjoyed their food. I had moved away from the bed to sit in the chair by the window and was able to observe the two of them. Chase took a seat near the foot of Remi’s bed and shared the table with her. He asked her about her friends, if she had a dog, about what her favorite thing was about Kindergarten. She tried to eat but was getting tired and weak. It was time to clear the food away and get her ready to sleep. I could tell she wanted to stay awake, not wanting Chase to leave, but I also knew from experience, that she was hitting her wall.
“Chase,” I murmured softly. “She’s tired.”
His head snapped in my direction and he nodded as he started to stuff the empty food wrappers and remnants back into the fast food bag.
Remi reached out with both of her little hands and clutched at Chase’s larger one, interrupting his task; her eyes imploring. “Are you going away, now?”
The corner of his mouth lifted slightly and his features softened as he shook his head. His other hand came out to stroke Remi’s silky hair. “No, sweetheart,” he answered gently. “I’m not going anywhere.”
There were several of Remi’s favorite books lined up on the window shelf and I went over and chose The Giving Tree and held it out for Chase. “We usually read a book to get her settled. Would you like to read tonight? I can clean this stuff up. It’s time for the last round of meds, and I want to make sure they get it done before she nods off.”
“Hospitals aren’t a great place to sleep,” he added, knowing what I meant.
“Exactly.”
Remi let out a big yawn, and I could see she was fighting hard to stay awake. I doubted she’d make it through the story.
Intense green eyes locked with mine and he nodded almost imperceptibly. In the midst of the mess and the anger he must surely feel, he was so gentle with both of us. My heart thudded like thunder in my chest. This was still Chase. My Chase. My soul cried out for his and I wished I could touch him, fall into his arms, and cry my heart out. Instead, I handed off the book to him and gathered up the trash. “Okay,” I said.
“Teagan, I’d like to talk to you after Remi is settled.”
I expected he would, but I had apprehension over what he’d say. Whatever it was, I deserved it. “Of course, Chase.”
“Good,” he said and turned his attention back to Remi. “The Giving Tree, huh? I used to love this book when I was little.”
“I think it’s sad,” she said.
“It is a little bit, but it’s also about unselfishness and love.”
“Yeah. It’s still sad.”
“Sometimes sad stuff happens to teach us what matters the most, right?”
“I guess,” Remi said, yawning again and snuggling close to Chase who had settled on the bed next to her, one arm behind her so she was cradled against him as he opened the book in front of them both.
“The tree gives everything she has to that dumb boy.”
