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His green eyes were trained on mine and I reached out hesitantly and pushed a lock of hair that had fallen across his face back; then threaded my fingers through the soft hair at his nape.
“Don’t touch me unless you’re prepared for what comes next. I’m not made of stone, Teagan.” He swallowed and looked away.
“Chase.” My voice throbbed out his name. I left my hand on the back of his head, but my fingers stilled.
He pulled from me and stood, towering over me with a scornful frown on his face. “Do you know how hard this is for me? When I’m with you, I want to forget all the bullshit and just be us. Like we were! But how can I get past the betrayal? This is killing me! You have no right to treat me like we’re still together!”
“I’m trying not to, but I can’t help it! Do you think it was easy for me to walk away from you?” I was openly crying now, pleading for Chase to understand.
He pointed an accusatory finger at me. “If that were true; if you loved me like that, we’d still be together. Don’t lie to me!”
I covered my mouth with my hand, gasping at the depth of my pain. I was trembling, my shoulders shaking with sobs. “There’s muh—more tuh—to it! Puh—please listen!”
“What do you want?” A muscle worked in his jaw as his teeth clenched. He glared at me with pain and determination written all over his handsome face.
A time machine, my mind screamed. “I can’t have what I want. I’ll probably never have it, and I’ve spent all these years trying to accept that, but I can’t.”
“Welcome to my world,” he spat bitterly.
I didn’t know if I what I was about to say would release him or make things worse. “I want you to know that I love you, and how very sorry I am. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need to tell you the truth. All I can do is hope you’ll understand why things happened the way they did, and why I made the decisions that I did. It was never to hurt you.”
Chase’s head dropped and his voice thickened as he fell into the chair at the end of the sofa. I could hear the tears in his voice and my heart seized. Again, the urge to put my arms around him and hold him close overcame me, but I had no right to do so.
“Do you know how it feels to be so goddamn helpless? You cut me off at the knees. You and Jensen ruined my life without telling me why! It’s the unanswered questions that kill me. Now, we have this huge crisis and you’ve only called me because you need something from me. I have to wonder if you would have ever told me about Remi if she weren’t sick. What about my career? Will I look like the dick that abandoned my child just to play the game? What do I tell my parents?”
I tried desperately not to lose it. Pain tightened my chest and made it hard to breathe. I slid down to the floor and crawled the few feet to be near him, between his thighs and I could sense his hesitation in the way he went rigid. I wrapped both hands around his biceps and I leaned into him, letting my forehead fall to his shoulder, praying he would listen. He was stiff but didn’t push me away. “Please let me explain.”
In an instant, his hands wrapped around both of my arms and pulled me closer. I was startled, but after our faces were a breath apart and our eyes met, he stilled. “Explain this. Why do I still want you? Why can’t I hate you?”
My heart exploded in my chest. “Oh, Chase,” I reached out a hand to touch his face. The shadowy stubble on his jaw was softer than I expected. “You can’t choose who you love.”
“So you think I love you unconditionally, so I have to accept what you did and forgive you. Is that it?”
“No. I know you can choose not to forgive me, just like I could choose to marry Jensen, but I can’t choose not to love you, and I don’t think you can either. At least, I hope not—”
In a flash, his arms gathered me close and he turned his face into the curve of my neck. My fingers stroked his jaw and my other hand slid up his solid chest and around his neck. He felt so amazing and I didn’t care if this was all I’d ever have with him, I needed to be in his arms. I could feel the tension between us. His muscles coiled and his hot breath rushed over me causing an instant and white-hot reaction at the core of my body. Heat pooled and began to throb. He was the only one who could affect me with this incredible, desperate want. My heart felt like it would explode it was so full of emotion and all I could do was hang on to him for dear life.
“Teagan,” he breathed. “What are you doing to me?”
He pulled back enough to kiss me, his mouth swooping in to take mine in a hard, hungry kiss. I opened my mouth to him; completely surrendering as my body came alive, reveling in the feel of my soft curves being pressed so tightly against his muscular torso. His shoulders were broad and he was solid as a rock and so familiar. Nothing ever felt this good.
We kissed deeply; again and again, lips tasted, tongues explored each other’s mouth and hands roamed over each other, pulling and pressing each other closer. My hands threaded through Chase’s hair to deepen our kisses. I couldn’t get close enough and I was starving to have his mouth and hands on me. My chest heaved and ached for him to explore the soft swells. One of his hands fisted in the back of my shirt and another slid down over the curve of my hips and bottom, intent on plastering our bodies together.
I was getting lost in him, the feel and taste of him, and our past. It was always this intense between us; unstoppable passion and love flowed like an electric circuit that only became stronger the longer we touched. His tongue was wild; laving and twisting together with mine.
A low groan erupted from deep inside Chase’s chest. He was panting hard when he ripped his lips from mine and pressed his forehead to mine. “Jesus Christ. I’m so done, Teagan.”
“Chase,” I protested, lifting my chin for more kisses. He rewarded me with pulling my top lip between his to gently tug on it. All it did was frustrate me. “Please,” I begged as his lips hovered over mine. He began gently nudging and then nipping at my lower lip with his teeth. I found it irresistible. “I’m starving for you.”
“Teagan, remember where we are,” he murmured breathlessly between kisses.
I nodded, sucking in the breath he had just exhaled. “Take me somewhere.”
Chase’s forehead dropped to my shoulder and he paused. “Let’s think about this. Are you sure? It’s not just about us anymore.”
Part of me panicked for a brief second. Maybe he didn’t want me. Whether he did or didn’t, regardless if I could be humiliated by his rejection. He deserved to hear the truth. He deserved everything I could give him. I had to take the risk.
“I know,” I said painfully. I did feel guilty, but the love I had for Chase ruled anything I owed to anyone else.
