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She clung to me and buried her face against my chest, her body shaking with sobs like mine had been.
“Please forgive me. I’d gah —ive anything to tuh—ake it all back.”
I sat down at the foot of the now love rumpled bed and lifted her to sit on my lap. “Hush.” I wiped the tears from my face and kissed her forehead. “It’ll be okay.” She curled into me and laid her head on my shoulder.
The truth hit me. I had to forgive her or I’d ruin the rest of my goddamned life. “We’ll be okay, Monkey.”
Teagan’s arms slid around my shoulders and her fingers grasped at my hair and shirt as a new torrent of tears started. It was obvious her heart was just as broken as mine. The one thing I could trust was that she still loved me, and I would always love her. Whether I wanted to or not.
CHASE
Early in the morning Teagan texted that Remi was in surgery to replace her port. After her text, I frantically called her back as I threw on my clothes and rushed out the door to the hospital.
Remi had been placed on a heavy course of IV antibiotics to combat the infection and was being closely monitored, but she wasn’t recovering well. Finally, it was discovered that the infection that had caused her fever spike originated in her chemotherapy port and it needed to be changed out with a new one.
“I don’t understand how it could take them days to figure that out,” I said shortly. “Seriously?”
Teagan’s weary sigh could be heard through the phone. “I know, but I’m grateful that now that they have, they’re treating it as an emergency.”
“Because it is one, Teagan!” I retorted, angrily. Remi had a life-threatening illness and she could have died because the doctors didn’t know what they were doing. “Jesus Christ.”
“Calm down, Chase. This isn’t a major procedure and she’ll be out of surgery soon.”
I nodded, though Teagan couldn’t see it. “Where are you?” My strides became longer as I quickened my pace.
“In the surgical waiting room on the first floor of the hospital. On the west end.”
I chastised myself that I hadn’t stayed with Teagan at the hospital the previous night, but the air had shifted since our night together. The air was charged between us and it was all I could do not to fall into old habits. There were times when I almost touched her hand or went to put my arm around her and had to stop myself. I was still struggling with things and sensed there was more to it. I couldn’t reconcile that Teagan would acquiesce to her father’s demands without at least talking to me first. My suspicion nagged at me, but I decided to wait to ask her to elaborate.
We hadn’t been allowed to stay with Remi in her room for more than a few minutes at a time anyway, and we’d just spent days filing in and out two-by-two for a few minutes every few hours. It didn’t make sense to hang out in the waiting room hour after hour, and the rules that required we wear those god-awful masks, gloves, and gowns made us look like yellow aliens that seemed to scare Remi. She was startled awake once when a nurse knocked over her IV cart. She cried, and it broke my heart.
Later, Teagan told me that Remi was used to the gowns and masks from previous occasions and it must have been a bad dream. Either way, it had been Teagan’s soothing voice and her tender mothering that calmed her down. It was plain that Remi was Teagan’s whole world.
The whole thing terrified the shit out of me, but at the same time filled me with pride, admiration, and love. It was hard to hate her or even be mad at her when the love she had for that child, my child, was so palpable, yet the past week had been hell. I was constantly on edge.
The fragile truce between Jensen and I held, but the air chilled whenever we were in the same room together. Teagan became increasingly quiet and introspective when he was around and I hated how different she became from how she was when it was just the two of us, even if I did understand it.
I was agitated as hell when Bronwyn was near Teagan, too. No matter how I felt myself, the situation was bad enough without a potential confrontation between them. Bronwyn was as cold as ice to Teagan, and her claws were beginning to show more and more through her snippy tone and standoffish demeanor. Resentment almost dripped from her and I used it to ease my guilt over my night with Teagan.
As if reading my thoughts, Teagan’s voice tensed on her next sentence. “Is Bronwyn with you?”
“No. It’s just me.”
“Oh.”
“Is she feeling alright?”
I could almost hear her wondering if Bronwyn knew what happened between us. “Yeah, sure, but she isn’t a morning person.”
“I see.”
Did she? My heart dropped as I realized the implications. I gained nothing by hurting Teagan, but despite our night together some things hadn’t changed. I reminded myself that she was married, and she had no right to feel anything one way or the other about my relationship with Bronwyn. This awkward distance created by the past would be a problem until we could talk again, but the incredible need to be near her hadn’t changed.
I never thought I’d be having a discussion with Teagan about another woman. Not in ten lifetimes, and not after admitting we still loved each other. I sighed heavily. “Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Bye.”
To be fair, Teagan had done her best to maintain civility with Bronwyn, but the strain showed around her eyes and in the way her lips pressed firmly together whenever Bronwyn entered a room or when her name was mentioned. I’d just heard that cautious tone in her voice on the phone. It was uncomfortable as hell for all of us and I could only think of one way to make it better.
