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“I know.” His arm snuck out around my shoulders and he pulled me into a hug. I melted into him. His cologne surrounded me, and it was all I could do not to kiss the bare expanse of chest at the collar of his shirt. “I wish you were coming with me.”
“I think it’s best if you drop this bomb without me. They’re going to hate me.”
“It’ll be okay. I won’t let them hurt you.”
He released me and I stepped back. “I’ll walk you out.”
Chase nodded and we started moving toward the elevators on the far end of the floor.
“What reason did you give your dad for being in town?”
“The truth. I told him I was donating marrow to save someone I cared about.” He grabbed my hand and threaded his fingers through mine with familiar ease. “Don’t worry about this. I’ll take care of it. I know they can’t meet her before the procedure or for a while afterward.”
When I’d gone home to shower, I’d brought back a few pictures of Remi as a baby and since, and had them in a small white envelope in my back pocket. When we arrived at the steel doors of the elevators, Chase pressed the down button and I pulled it out, offering it to him.
“What’s this?”
“A few pictures of Remi. I thought you’d want to show them, but don’t look at them if it’s going to hurt you.”
He took the envelope in his hand and stared down at it. “It’s going to hurt, but I’m going to look at them. I want to see everything I missed,” he said thickly.
My head fell in defeat. It hit me, that even if Chase could forgive me, the past would always be there to torment him. I reached for his hand again, and my chin snapped up so I could look at him. “I’m sorry, Chase. Will we ever be able to put it behind us? You can forgive, but this will always stand between us. I don’t know how we’ll get over it.” Sorrow laced my voice. I was sad, worried, tormented so much of the time, and I didn’t know how my eyes could produce any more tears, but they never seemed to dry up. “Is there ever a moment when you don’t think about it?”
“Here or there. When we’re making love, I don’t think about it. When I’m with Remi, I am just glad to be with her.”
He shoved the envelope into the back pocket of his jeans and used that hand to cup my face, his thumb grazing back and forth on my jaw. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of the beautiful miracle that was Chase, and his didn’t waver. “We’ll get this behind us, and make new memories. Then the bad stuff will fade. We have our whole lives in front of us; with Remi.”
He bent and brushed my lips with his in a soft kiss as the elevator doors opened. Thankfully, no one was inside. “I love you. See you tonight.”
He walked into the open elevator and his fingers untangled with mine as he went. I felt bereft at his leaving, like part of me was going with him. “I love you, too.”
“I know that in my gut, Teagan. That’s why we’ll be okay.”
I nodded. “Be safe.”
“I will.” The doors started to close. “I’ll call you later.”
I took a deep breath as I slowly walked back to Remi’s room.
The nurse was leaving as I gathered another of the gowns and methodically re-garbed to keep my child safe. Pulling on the gloves and the mask, I prayed that a month from now Remi would be free of the horrible cancer and our lives would be moving in a better direction. My mind and heart were flooded with so many things, not the least of which was the little angel in the middle of the hospital bed, happily engaged with the tablet, and talking to the stuffed black lab Jensen bought her.
“Look, Jewel. See this big grey thing? It’s an elephant,” Remi explained seriously. “We gotta find another one on here somewhere. Where do you think it is? “Right here? Me, too.” She touched the screen and smiled big when the match materialized. “Yay!”
“Jewel is a big help,” I smiled and sat down beside Remi.
“Yep. Do you think Daddy likes dogs?”
“I do.” I nodded.
“That’s good, ‘cause remember Jensey promised we’re getting a real Jewel when I’m better.”
“I remember.”
“When will Jensey come back?”
“Tonight. Want to call him?” She nodded and went to retrieve my phone from my purse, pushing the button that was Jensen’s number on speed dial. I handed Remi the phone. The situation was complicated but Jensen was a huge part of Remi’s life and that was one thing that couldn’t change. Somehow, we had to make it work. The phone volume was loud enough, and I was close enough, that I could hear Jensen’s voice coming across the phone Remi held to her head.
“Hi, squirt,” he said. He’d called her that since she was just a baby and it stuck.
