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A mixture of fear and awe rooted me in place, and I finally found my voice. “Is that Ocnolog?”
She raised teasing brow. “Who else would it be?” The magnificent creature roared in answer, and then he shot an unnecessary torrent of blazing ocher flames toward the sun. Leena rolled her eyes. “I never summon him. He belongs here, with Celeste.”
Every fiber in my being went taut. Celeste, Goddess of Beasts. She was the reason Charmers existed, the reason we—they—could tame magical beings and create lasting, sacred bonds with creatures all over the world. If she saw me now… Dread added weight to my limbs, and I sank further into the ground. “You’ve met with Celeste?”
“A few times.” Leena tracked a smaller shadow that had erupted from the treetops to fly alongside Ocnolog. After a breath, it peeled off and dove toward us with the same exuberant energy as the dragon. Leena threw her arms open wide and waited for her beast to land. Her legendary feline beast, Onyx, hit the ground running. Corded muscles bunched and loosened beneath his glossy, black hide, and his outstretched wings quivered with anticipation. Vibrant teal and emerald feathers like that of a peacock shimmered in the brilliant sunlight. With a happy yowl, he bounded forward, crashing his massive head into her chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stroked the length of his feathered mane, dawdling her fingers along the crown of gold nestled between his ears.
I crumbled in on myself in that moment. I didn’t know why she’d brought me here, what she’d hope to achieve out of showing me everything I’d lost. I could never have…this. Not without her. Not without another Charmer. What on earth gave her the idea that I could? I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong anywhere. I dropped my head into my hands and focused only on breathing. Everything else was too painful, so I simply let my senses fall away.
Something wet and cold ghosted my ear. I flinched but didn’t look up. I couldn’t bear to witness anymore of the realm, no matter how badly Onyx wanted my attention. An insistent, disgruntledchuff sounded, and wet spittle coated my skin as if the beast had forcefully sneezed.
“Please just…” Hot tears stung the back of my eyes. “Send me back to Hireath.”
Leena didn’t respond, but an unrelenting muzzle bruised my side, and large, flat teeth nipped at my skin. I yanked my hands away, ready to demand we go back, when my mind went blank. A stunning mare with a shimmery, ebony coat had dipped her head low to try to snag my attention. She shook her mane when I finally met her stare, and turquoise, fuchsia, and emerald auroras bled to life across her body, as if she were birthed from the galaxy itself. Nickering in earnest, she nearly speared me with the glowing, moon-white horn between her ears, and she thrust her wings open wide.
“Valda.” My fingers trembled. I’d resigned myself to never seeing her again. She tossed her head back and reared up on her hind legs. With a loud, energetic whinny, she pawed at the earth. In response, the plains and woods and mountains came alive with beast calls. The ground rumbled with the stampede of approaching creatures, the heady thudding of hooves and the flapping of wings. Beasts flocked to me in a rush, shepherded my direction by none other than Okean. He let out a reassuring caterwaul before knocking his head against Onyx in a friendly hello.
A waterfall of tears cascaded down my cheeks, and I sobbed as I fell back to the earth and simply let all of my creatures ambush me. I don’t know how long I lay there, crying unabashedly while wrapping my fingers in fur and stroking scales. I could’ve stayed there forever. But in the back of my mind, I knew no matter how powerful Leena had grown, she wouldn’t be able to keep us in the beast realm forever. Soon, we’d have to return. Soon, I’d have to say goodbye. Because so far, I hadn’t seen anything that proved otherwise, and I was too afraid to ask and have my suspicions confirmed.
Gently rearranging my beasts, I stood up and stroked the length of my Zavalluna’s neck. Leena watched quietly, the rosewood markings along her face still bright and intact. I still had time. When they began to recede toward her hand, I’d worry about farewells.
Valda leaned into my touch with a content sigh, and I pressed my forehead to her coat. “Hey, girl.”
“You never did tell me how you ended up with a Zavalluna.” Leena inched toward my beast and extended her hand. Valda sniffed her knuckles twice before pawing at the ground and ducking her head in approval.
“I spent some time in Allamere before I became a Council member.” I raked my fingers through Valda’s fine mane.
“Some time?” Leena raised an incredulous brow as she trailed a fuchsia whorl along Valda’s chest. “I thought you had to befriend a mage for several years before taming a Zavalluna was even a remote possibility.”
A different kind of sorrow settled over me, and my smile turned sad. “I lived there with someone I loved very much. He made it a point to help me charm Valda as a birthday gift one year.” Valda’s glassy eyes found mine, as if she, too, missed the arms of my former lover. “He died suddenly.”
“I’m so sorry,” Leena murmured.
“Don’t be. I mean it,” I said. “It was a good relationship, but one I’ve long since mourned. I was actually just feeling like I could be with someone again before all this happened.” I gestured to my body, knowing full well she’d understand what I meant.
“With Kost?” Her quiet question made me flinch, but I had no reason to lie to her.
“Yes.”
She rolled her lip into her mouth, considering me with scrunched-up brows. “And now that’s not possible because of what you are?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I sighed, and Valda thrust her snout under my hand so I could rub the length of her muzzle. “Every time I think we make some progress, he does something completely asinine, and I’m reminded of why I am the way I am.
“I have no ability to care for or visit my beasts, let alone summon them. The only reason I’m even here right now is because of you.” I stepped away from my beasts so I could throw my hands wide to the realm around us. It was just so…unfair. I gave my life to protect all of this, and my reward was being barred from experiencing what I loved.
Leena kept her hand on Valda, but her soft gaze was trained on me. She didn’t say anything, and the silence only made it impossible for me to stay quiet. Somehow, being here had broken open a dam in me and I needed to simply let everythingout.
“I hate myself, Leena.” Tears stung the back of my eyes. “I hate what I’ve become. I don’t even have a purpose anymore. How am I supposed to find something like that again?”
“Have you actually tried?” she asked.
I bit back a scoff. “OfcourseI’ve tried.” Lifting my hand, I yanked off my leather glove and exposed the faded Charmer’s symbol. “But this always reminds me of what I lost, and I don’t know how to move beyond that.” My voice broke and my veins lit with fire. How did no one understand this? How could they not see that the very thing that made me whole had been ripped from my dead fingers?
“I amnothingwithout this. You wouldn’t let Noc turn you. I thought you of all people would understand.” My hand fell limply by my side.
“I do.” Her answer was riddled with pain, but she didn’t shy away from my glare. “But I know you’re more than just your power—both the one you used to have and the one you have now.”
I’d done enough talking for the both of us, and I didn’t feel like admitting she was right. After a minute, she blew out a breath and turned on her heels, stalking toward the pink willow tree. She snagged a single bronze key from within its strands and returned to stand before me. Jaw set tight and eyes defiant, she placed her hands on her hips.
