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“Tesoro, please, listen to me.”
She points a finger at me, her jaw tense. “Don’t you dare call me that. Don’t you dare. You have no right. Not anymore. I’m not your treasure. I’m glad I took it upon myself to look it up instead of listening to you because you obviously don’t mean a thing you say.”
“That’s not true. I’m doing this for you, Rosie. I got close to you very fast. It was blinding my ability to protect you how I promised. Did you know Matias has killed three of Bianchi’s men who have tried to breach our property? To get to you. I can’t protect if I—” I stop myself from saying it because the words no longer matter.
I can’t protect her if I love her, but it’s too late for that isn’t it? I love her so much; it fills the cavity of my ribcage and makes it hard to breathe.
But if I’m not careful, it’s my love that will kill her.
I had hoped giving her my protection meant something, that it would save her, but she was damned either way, wasn’t she?
If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t be in danger. Without me, she would have been in danger. It seems Rosie can’t ever have a life of her own.
Unless I leave her be. We will stop all forms of physical contact even if it kills me and drives me insane slowly. We will wait and see if she’s pregnant and if she isn’t… or maybe even if she is, I’ll void the contract.
“I don’t know what kind of woman you take me for, but if there is one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s that I won’t be sticking around and waiting for people to decide what kind of life they want with me.”
“Rosie—”
She holds up her hand to stop me from speaking and her lips pinch together as tears stream down her face. “—Don’t. I don’t need any more of your excuses, Ari.”
“There’s a lot at stake here. It’s life and death.”
“It always is,” she says, in a long daze.
She doesn’t blink. She doesn’t move. She’s completely checked out.
“Everything I told you that night in the shower is what I’m focused on,” I explain. “It won’t be like this forever. I’m going to make a move soon.”
“And what do you expect me to do, Ari? Do you want me to wait in the room like a good little girl, locked away so no one can hurt me, while you’re still in the same house but you might as well be a thousand miles away? Do you want me to wait until you’re finally ready to let me back in?”
I’m a selfish fuck. That’s exactly what I want her to do.
“You know, if you would have talked to me about your concern, if you would have let me in, shared your plan, I would have gladly listened to you if it meant I got to be by your side. If it meant you didn’t leave me lonely and held me. I can’t remember our last kiss. If I would have known—” a sob escapes her before she turns her head away, covering her mouth with her hand for a moment. “—It doesn’t matter. I can see whatever I thought this was….it isn’t.”
I shake my head and walk forward, needing to hold her, to reassure her, but she lifts her hand and I stop.
“Please, don’t. Don’t. I don’t…I can’t touch you right now.”
“Rosie.”
“Don’t.”
It’s the way she looks at me that makes me stop trying. The desperate plea shining in her eyes, the tears constantly wetting her face, and the defeat in them.
There’s no anger.
There’s only pain.
“You are my Tesoro, no matter what you believe,” I say to her, tucking my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching out and holding her.
I really haven’t held her in weeks.
I miss her body against mine.
I miss…everything.
But I can’t think straight when I’m around her.
