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As Kat sat at the table, picking away at her waffles and surely making a mess, I padded over to the front door in my oversized shirt, still ruffled from sleep. If only I had Kat’s energy first thing in the morning.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I noticed just how big the pile of letters had grown by the door, and I grabbed them before more could accumulate. Refusing to pick them up after work too many times was a bad habit of mine, hence why they remained there long enough to gather.
Returning to the kitchen with the stack of letters in my hand, I leaned against the counter and rifled through them. Nothing was out of the ordinary until I noticed one with an odd stamp. It was sent from Russia.
Brows furrowing, I scanned the envelope, quickly realizing it was from Aunt Maria. Why would she send me a letter?
Just like that, I am entranced by the memories yet again.
My shaky hands came into focus. The pharmacy’s tile floor appeared beneath me, acting as a backdrop behind the pregnancy test in my hands.
Raw fear gripped my heart, unwilling to let me go. Skin flushed, a cold sweat broke out across my body, and the panic moved in once and for all. Ragged breaths came from my chest, and I could barely handle the reality of what it meant.
I was only twenty-one and pregnant. As a student, alone in the United States, I was in no condition to be carrying a stranger’s child.
My heart raced, the sound echoing inside my mind. I shook all over, more frantic than I ever had been before. Red pulsed around the edges of my vision, threatening to pull me under. I feared I’d end up laying on the pharmacy floor, fainting from the positive test.
My cell phone replaced the test that felt like a life sentence. The screen lit up with my aunt Maria’s name, containing a message that sent a chill down my spine.
‘Your father has heard about the pregnancy, and he is furious. The baby will put an end to the marriage pact he arranged for you at birth. If you wish to keep the child, you need to leave.’
A harsh swallow traveled down my throat like I had ingested sandpaper, and the cell phone dropped from my grasp at once.
He’ll make me remove it. He might even kill me for it.
The words pulsed in my mind, and my erratic heart trembled on the ambiguous ground beneath my feet. I couldn’t stay to find out. I had no choice but to run.
Shivering, I shrug off ugly memories and focus on the letter. Too curious to wait, I slid a knife under the sticky tab and ripped it open, pulling out the folded note. I smoothed out the creases and read as quickly as I could.
My brows furrowed, and I swallowed hard.
My aunt wrote about how sick my father was, and how he was dying. She said he was begging to see me one last time, to make things right again. The letter detailed how much he had changed, and it was his dying wish to see me.
Anger bubbled to the surface of my mind, trying to claw its way out. I crinkled up the note in my hand and clenched my teeth to hide my irritation from Kat. She didn’t need to know how affected I was by those words.
I glanced over at my little girl and softened. Leaving not only Russia but also Michigan where I had been sent for school, was the best decision I ever could’ve made for the two of us. While it meant cutting contact with Kat’s father, I had no other choice. I made the right decision, and nothing could convince me otherwise.
To my father, I was only a means of gaining power for him. He treated me like a commodity even from the moment I was born.
If I had gone back home to Russia, dad would’ve made me terminate the pregnancy, only to sweep me into a marriage with a stranger. No part of me could go along with it, and I made my decision for us.
Sighing, I stuffed the crinkled letter into my purse and shook the range of emotions off before I got myself and Kat ready for the day. Before long, the two of us walked into the daycare hand in hand, and I hugged my sweet girl before she hurried inside to play with the others. I smiled at how happy she was to see them all, then turned to leave.
“Good morning, Milly,” one of the moms said with a warm expression as she passed me on the sidewalk.
Milly. I couldn’t even be honest with the people around me, not while there was a chance of my father finding me in Minnesota. After moving, I changed my name to guard myself and Kat against any lingering eyes and ears. It was for the best.
I pulled a smile and gave her a small wave. “Morning!”
Continuing to my car, I let go of a strained breath and put my hands in my pockets, chilled from the winter air around me.
Quick to crank up the heat in my car once I sat down, I fiddled with the radio before leaning back in my seat to gather myself. From the very start of the morning to that moment, too many overwhelming thoughts consumed me, and I was already exhausted.
I just hoped Kat would have a good day.
The lingering effects from my dream the night before made my chest ache with the memories. The past I spent so long running from.
Flashes of Kat’s father moved through my head, and I couldn’t help but wonder how things would’ve panned out if I had told him about Kat.
