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“It’s been five years, Taylor. If I haven’t fallen in love with her by now, it’s not going to happen.”
“Not true.”
“No?” he asks, though he seems only barely interested in my answer. “You think that I’m going to wake up one day and I’ll just suddenly, magically be head over heels for her?”
“No, but I do think if you try, if you make an effort, you’ll be able to develop feelings for her.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “You want me to woo Celine?”
I flinch, though I try to pass it off as a nervous tic. I’m just not entirely sure which one of us I’m hoping to convince. “Why not? It’s clear you only ever tried when you wanted to use her to get back at our father. Why not now?”
“The point was to getherto fall forme. Not the other way around.”
“So change the point.”
He takes another step towards me. My heartbeat rises and my cheeks flush with heat as he looks down into my eyes. Why the hell can’t I look away? And why the hell did I shut the door and lock it?
“Ilarion, please.”
“Pleasewhat?” His eyes bore into mine. We’re so close now that I can see flecks of gold and amber. How have I never noticed that before? Or maybe I’ve just forgotten?
“Why are you trying to get in my head?”
“I’m not trying to do anything,tigrionok. Don’t you get it? I’m already in your head. I have been since the moment you ran in front of my car. Just like you’ve lived in mine.”
I blink to try to break our connection, but it does nothing. It just reminds me that our connection couldn’t even be broken with time or distance. Not with a rainstorm or a violent mafia or a car speeding out of control.
This was fate.
There was never any hope of stopping it.
He’s right, I know he’s right, and it’s breaking my heart. It’s the only memory I can look back on without any guilt, because it’s the only memory that’s free of Celine. Her entanglement with Ilarion came after—so that night in the rain, in the car…that was just for me.
For us.
“Go ahead and deny it.” His voice is chipped and curt, daring me to lie to him.
I want to, but I can’t.
I used to think life was simple. That relationships weren’t so complicated. Now, standing on the other side of motherhood and love, heartbreak and loss, and grief—so much fucking grief—I can taste each one of those emotions and I’m coming away confused and lost. I’m coming away understanding that I will never reach a point when everything feels clean or simple or easy.
“The night we met…” I stammer through the words. “It meant a lot to me, Ilarion. It still does. But that was our moment together. And it’s over.”
“No, it’s not.”
I shake my head. “Why didn’t you ask for my number?” I hear myself demand. Where have I managed to bury this fury, this sorrow, for all these years? “Why didn’t you want to see me again? You drove off like all we had was a meaningless one-night stand.”
His blue eyes turn a shade darker. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible unless I saw it myself. “You seem to forget that you were the one who refused to tell me your name. You just jumped out of my car and tried to run back home to your father.”
“I—"
“Don’t blame me for something that was equally your fault. Why didn’t you ask formyname?Mynumber?”
“Would you have given it to me?”
“I tried to. You stopped me.”
I study his face, looking for signs of a lie. But then the memory fades into my mind, and I realize with a sinking sadness that he’s right. “But you would have gone after Cee anyway.”
