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“Umm… yes,” I whispered, a little worried that the tiny woman was about to implode.
“That chaps my ass,” she hissed. “Voila is as gay as a blade and I love that boy to the moon and back. What in the Goddess’s name is wrong with people? I tell you what, Johnson Jones, I’ll be your damn momma now.”
My waterworks were unexpected. I couldn’t help it. It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever offered.
Cha-Cha kept going. “I told both of my boys I don’t care who you love. I don’t give a crap what species, what color, what religion or what the plumbing of the person is, I just don’t want you to bring home an asshole. I have a real low tolerance for assholes.”
I was now sobbing. Cha-Cha was a goddess in my book. I mentally made a plan to create the most beautiful caftan that I’d ever created for the dear witch.
Cha-Cha hopped up from behind her desk and wrapped her arms around me. “It’s alright, Johnson. Everything’s gonna be just fine. I think part of your fear of commitment is because your idiot and homophobic momma didn’t accept who you are.”
My tears stopped abruptly and I gasped. The light bulb that went off in my frontal lobe felt like a truth bomb. A strange sense of peace came over me, combined with some long-repressed anger. Was Cha-Cha right? Had I blown any chance at happiness because somewhere deep inside, I didn’t think I was good enough to be happy due to my mother’s hateful rejection of me?
Could it be that simple… and complicated at the same time?
A big part of me was tempted to leave and head straight over to Edna’s office to hash out the discovery. However, Jeeves and Cha-Cha had been so unbelievably kind, there was no way I would be so rude as to cancel my appointment now. I was certain Voila and I would become fast friends if his family was any indication.
I rearranged my plans in my head. Instead of finding me a date, I’d tell Voila how I’d screwed up with Kurt and get his advice. Everything seemed to be happening for a reason. Hopefully, Voila would have solid recommendations on how to win Kurt back. I hugged Cha-Cha tight. “I can do this.”
“Yes, you can,” she promised, kissing the top of my bald head. “You’re a fabulous catch with a heart of gold, Johnson Jones.”
I smiled. I was beginning to believe what my friends had been telling me all along. I was ready for love. It was terrifying, but being lonely for eternity was more terrifying.
Just as I was ready to throw caution to the wind, a tsunami arrived.
A tsunami named Persephone—the farting bitchy model who’d dissed my creations and quit my show last week. Well, I’d actually passed the gas, but that was irrelevant. She was a horror and hadn’t changed one little bit.
Chapter Six
“What are you doing here?” Cha-Cha snapped.
Persephone’s eyes narrowed to slits at my new BFF. That wasn’t working for me. I immediately stood up and placed myself in front of Cha-Cha to defend her from the man-eating mermaid.
“I’m here to see Voila,” she hissed, glaring at me. The nasty piece of work was dressed to kill and showing most of her assets. I was ninety-nine percent sure her girls were not real. They were entirely too perky.
“Do you have an appointment?” I demanded.
The mermaid growled. “I don’t need an appointment to see my lover.”
I was confused. Had I misheard Cha-Cha when she’d told me Voila was gay? Maybe he was bisexual. I couldn’t imagine someone coming from such a stellar family would date someone as heinous as Persephone. She was a nightmare.
“You are not Voila’s lover,” Cha-Cha said, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know how many times he has to explain to you that he likes men. You need to get that through your thick head.”
“He can’t be gay,” she shouted. “He’s too good-looking to be gay. And if he’s that delusional, he needs me. I can turn any man straight with my looks and vagina.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. Talk about delusional… “Actually, Voila is one hundred percent girly man. And I should know since we’ve been dating for quite a while,” I lied.
“Bullshit,” the mermaid snapped. “I’m much more alluring than you. You’re a caftan-wearing freak, Johnson Jones.”
She spat my name like it was a curse. I wasn’t surprised she despised me. Word had gotten around fast about her flatulence and quitting right before she was slated to walk the runway. Apparently, she wasn’t hirable now. Too bad. So sad. Karma really was a bitch… and so was Persephone.
I wasn’t about to let the horrid woman upset Cha-Cha. And poor Voila. He should get a restraining order. I made a mental note to suggest that during our meeting.
“Think again, Persephone,” I said with a wink that infuriated her. “Voila is my man. In fact, we’re going on a double skydiving date with Jeeves and Minerva later this afternoon. And tomorrow, we’re getting brunch with Cha-Cha, Merlin and Kiefer.”
“He introduced you to his family?” she demanded shrilly, looking unhinged.
“But of course,” I lied some more. “That’s what lovers do when they’re serious.”
