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“You’d have to hate someone to kill them?”
Chad nodded. “Yeah.”
“But you enjoy what you see in the outhouse?”
“I do—”
“How do you know you won’t enjoy doing it yourself?”
“I know me, and what happens in the outhouse—”
“You get aroused watching people die.”
Chad sucked in a breath. “Okay. No.”
“Yes, you do.” Romeo snorted. “How can you deny it?”
“I get aroused watching you.”
“Me kill—”
“Fucking hell, Romeo, if you looked like you do in the outhouse doing the dishes, I’d be all over you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t look at them. My eyes were on you, every one of my senses was tuned towards you. Your body, your stance, your expression, even the way you fucking breathe while you do it, and how your eyes go completely black,” Chad shivered. “I want those eyes on me. Last time I … last time I felt jealous—”
“Jealous?”
Chad laughed at the disbelief in Romeo’s voice. “I know, how messed up is that? Jealous of the corpse at your feet because it had your attention, and I didn’t. Because it gives you something I can’t.” He groaned and wiped his hand down his face. “I seeallof you and I shouldn’t love it, I should run a mile, but I don’t. I want a piece of that moment with you. I want your eyes on me, your hands all over me and your mouth crashing into mine, and it’s amazing, but that doesn’t mean I want it to be my hands onthem, because I don’t and I have to tell you now, otherwise, this will fester, it will get worse, and in the end…”
“In the end?”
“I’d do it to make you happy,” Chad’s eyes were burning. The admission left him nauseated.
“I would do it, but not because I wanted to, but because I’d fear finding out what would happen if I didn’t. I don’t want to lose you, Romeo, I’d rather lose myself.” He took a deep breath. “So I’m asking you … if you love me, don’t make me kill someone.”
He slumped into the side of the car, waiting for Romeo to speak, but when he didn’t, Chad blurted more, “We had a compromise. I thought it was working, I thought we were happy, but you want to change it.” He pulled his hair. “I can’t—I can’t do that, Romeo, and still beme. I want to cling on to that last part of me.”
“What do you mean if?”
“What?”
“IfI love you?”
“Yeah. If you love me don’t make me.”
“The compromise still stands. Watching you kill someone, it’s a fantasy—”
“But you want it to be a reality.”
“Not at the expense of your sanity. Christ, Chad. Do you think I’d put my fantasy before your happiness?”
“What?”
“You’d thought I’d what exactly? Emotionally blackmail you into killing someone.”
“I was scared to find out.”
