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Everyone who is a bright spot in my life needs to be hidden, and that means burying my feelings for them. And this starts with the beautiful gray-eyed siren who has been the source of so much of my emotional turmoil. I fold up her smile, her laughter, and how her damn voice makes my heart clench, hiding it deep inside of a box in my soul. I need to be a soulless bastard in order to convince my father I am who he needs me to be.
Charming to the outside world, but ruthless for my own ends.I have become too soft, I care too much, and my father saw this when I was last out here. No more. Next goes the gentle giant who always seems to know when someone he cares about needs him.
Roark is a beautiful, growly soul: he centers me, shows me I’m better, and my feelings for him need to disappear. I compress my attraction, adoration, and need for him, putting it in the box along with Lennon. Taking a deep breath, I start to get used to the dark nothingness taking up the parts they were in.
Turner’s warm pale blue eyes fill my mind and I cringe, a pang hitting my heart as I prepare to strip myself of all feelings for him too. He reminds me of the importance of protecting the people you care about, even if they don’t think they need it. He’s grit, beauty, anger, and loyalty. Remembering his smirk when he played with his lip ring, or the beautiful tattoos that wind across his hands and up his arms, I say a soft goodbye.
Without the people who are my compass for good and bad, without the people who make me soft…my eyes are cruel and dark. I will burn the world to the ground for my people, but there’s no way to know I won’t sacrifice myself in the process.
All too soon, the outskirts of Farrelsville appear, filled with pastures and hard working people. They’re farmers and cattle herders who like my father because he has their best interests in mind. I know this will help him as he runs for governor, because in public he is running to be their voice. However, there has to be money to run his campaign, so I want to dig into where it’s coming from.
I need to be the perfect son, someone who seems to want to help him, so he’ll bring me into those meetings. As I think about how to do this, Orion Kingston pops into my mind. I know they moved out of town, but I wonder if he will be open to drinks soon. Willingly being friendly with the people my father is working with will go a long way towards making my father realize I’m serious.
The phone rings, almost sounding too loud after the quiet miles, and just my thoughts for company on the drive. Not bothering to check who is calling since I’m driving into a busy area of town, I pick up, letting the phone connect to the Bluetooth speaker of the car.Fancy.
“Hello, this is Derek Williams,” I answer politely, smiling and waving at the baker who stepped outside to his storefront to greet someone. He startles and then grins as I drive past.
“I assume you’re not checking your caller ID if you’re answering like that,” my father says snidely.
“Sorry Sir, I didn’t. I’m driving into town, and there’s a lot of people out right now,” I respond.
“Oh yes, they’re working on fall festivals for the town as they move into Halloween,” my father tells me, a small smile in his voice. I can almost believe he gives a shit about this town when he says things like this.
“That explains it, then. I’ll be home soon, but I need to swing by the grocery store first to pick up some things.” I need to pick up essentials, because my father probably hasn’t thought about things like this. Must be difficult to think about everyday things when planning nefarious world domination.
I don’t let a hint of amusement color my voice or facial expressions, don’t let it touch my eyes.
“Ah yes, I haven’t done anything like that in ages,” my father says, embarrassment coloring his voice, which is surprising that he would admit any weakness to me. “I have a maid who brings food over once a week, and it’s usually prepared meals. She also cleans the house during this time, so if you see Eliza, don’t be surprised. Eliza is effective, efficient, and is the daughter of Trudy Adams. Keep your dick away from her, as we don’t need a scandal since she’s nineteen.”
I keep the disgust that my father would think I would fuck a nineteen year old off my face as well. I have no doubt in my mind that my father has had her up against the wall of his office because he is that kind of scum bag, regardless of what he’s said to me.
“I’m here to be an asset, Sir, not an asshole. We should talk more about what you expect my duties to be while you’re on the campaign trail when you have a moment. I got bored of the vapid lives of musicians, so I’m prepared to help you create real change,” I explain, hoping I’m not coming off as overeager.
“I was a little worried when you fought me so hard about coming home just a few days ago the first time. I thought I would have to threaten your mother, I hear that electroshock therapy is an approved form of treatment at Hidden Hills,” my father boasts and while my heart squeezes, I don’t show any emotion. I may be in the car where he can’t see me, but I know he’ll continue to test my loyalty to him.
“I don’t think that’ll be necessary, Sir. Is mom doing well at Hidden Hills?” I ask because he’ll expect it. I do care, but there’s nothing I can do if she’s not doing well, so why borrow trouble?
“Yes, I am playing the dutiful husband and going to see her this week. She seems to be enjoying the gardens,” he says and I detect a small amount of smugness.God, the man really is a piece of shit.He’s enjoying this way too much.
“If I’m going to be here for a while, I figured I may reconnect with people I used to know here,” I change the topic nonchalantly as I pull into the neighborhood grocery store. “It’ll be nice to have some workout buddies, maybe put together a pickup game of football with.” These are the last things I want to do, but I need to submerge myself into this town, and it’s seedier underbelly if I also want to get on my father’s good side.
“That’s… not a bad idea,” my father says hesitantly. I know he’s surprised after how much I’ve been against coming home, but I acclimate well to changes. I always have. It’s how I survived my childhood here with him.
“I’ll put together a list of people who are still in town or nearby, I’m sure they’d enjoy hearing from you. Orion Kingston and his father are here so often that they’ve bought a second home in Farrelsville. It would make both of your fathers happy if you two became friends.”
Bingo. A kernel of excitement slips free of my tightly held emotions and I nod to myself, making a check mark on my growing to do list. “Awesome, I look forward to it,” I say, a small bit of fabricated warmth enveloping my tone.
“Do you still make that lasagna you used to make so well? It’s your mother’s recipe isn’t it?” A small smirk slips across my face, because I had wondered if he still cared about her at all. If he does, mom will stay safe, and she’ll be able to hold on while I find both her and Lennon. I doubt he’d give her to that sick fuck Mr. Xav that I heard him talking to the other day.
Keeping my breath and tone even, I respond, pushing away the thought that comes unbidden that Lennon won’t be afforded those same luxuries. “Yes, I still know how to make Mom’s lasagna. Can I help settle a craving?”
My father chuckles as if we have a real relationship, and not one housed in fear and threats. “Yes, your mother’s lasagna sounds amazing for dinner. We’ll sit down and chat a bit about the campaign. In fact, I’ll call Orion and his father to come over, and that’ll kill two birds with one stone. You know how much I enjoy when things are efficient and tidy,” he says.
Yeah, that’s why Mom is in a mental institution right now…
“Sounds good, Dad. I’m here at the store, I’ll see you soon,” I tell him, disconnecting the call. I stare at it for a moment and allow myself to feel the grief for the people I care about, anger that my father moves us as his puzzle pieces, and slight bewilderment at his almost jovial mood before stuffing it all away in a black lock box in my mind.
I can’t get carried away in my own emotions or I won’t be able to function. Taking a cleansing breath, I grab my keys and wallet, hitting the start button to turn off the car. Greg did an excellent job choosing a vehicle that drove beautifully, without being overly flashy.
