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“Want anything special?”
“More of that Spam stuff if they have some,” he said, giving me two thumbs up. I’d never witnessed someone raving so much about canned meat, but I liked that something so simple pleased him. “And bok choy. I’ll stir fry it with the Spam,” he added.
“Bok what?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “Is that some kind of chicken?”
“Oh my God, you’re so cute,” he said, laughing but not in a mean way. “It’s a vegetable, silly, andyou’ll like it.”
I smirked at him, liking the way he told meyou’ll like it. I wasn’t sure if the statement was an order or an observation, but he sounded like a spouse. There was a joy about him that came from everything he said and in his actions. He was kind, funny, affectionate, and able to show joy even in his dire situation. He was fascinating to watch and be around, and each minute spent with him only solidified the feelings growing inside of me.
“Bok coming right up,” I said. “See you in three hours then.”
He curled his index finger at me and then touched his lips, so I stood and leaned up to kiss him. He was loving that way and offered me a glimpse of something I think I’d missed my whole life. He kissed me tenderly and dragged the back of his hand across my cheek before pulling away. “Be safe, handsome,” he said. “Oh, and please make sure you return because I have no idea where the hell I am.”
“Maybe I should keep you captive out here,” I said, letting go of his hand. “All for myself. Whattaya say about that?”
“As long as you’ve got Spam.”
I backed the boat away from the dock and watched as his eyes followed mine. He cupped a hand over his eyes as the sun beat down on him, his skin radiant in the noon-time warmth. He looked adorable. Small with a cute male gymnast-sized body and honey colored skin. I wasn’t sure where he’d come from but figured it must have been heaven. He waved and blew me a kiss.Damn! I was in deep.
I thought about him all the way into town. I had no business pinning my hopes on someone who didn’t know anything about their previous life. Alarm bells constantly rung in my head.He could be with someone else. He could live thousands of miles from here and want to go back there. He could be a criminal for fuck’s sake.There were even more fears and yet, I ignored them all.
After little more than a week I was illogically planning a life with him. The decision to try was a dangerous one and I knew taking a chance on love was risky, but there was something about him that I craved. Loving Jamie had been different. Jamie and I had been best friends since grade school and our bond grew from a shared childhood and similar interests. The thing about that relationship was we hadn’t been intimate in the way I was experiencing with my guest. Jamie and I had been two horny dudes getting off. Anything along the lines of romance and simply making out for the sweetness of it hadn’t existed.
Jamie didn’t like to kiss all that much and never enjoyed cuddling with me. Our approach to having sex had been when he’d ask me if I was horny, meaning he was. We’d either jack off together or take turns sucking each other’s dicks. He couldn’t even say he loved me, but instead he was skilled at answeringdittowhen I told him how I felt.
The stranger at the shack was a different matter entirely. He touched me while we sat side by side, making sure to look at me when I spoke to him about important things. He allowed me to hold him possessively and kiss his lips or neck while doing so. The level of intimacy was exciting, but also offered an emotional connection. I felt starved of affection with Jamie and now felt I’d found a person who understood what I needed. If the level of love I felt for Jamie could exist with me receiving so little in return, how exposed was I leaving myself with a man like the stranger?
* * *
Navigating the river on the way to town was tricky. Debris from up river was still floating toward the open sea, with large branches and odd items appearing frequently. An entire sofa floated by, followed by three tires secured to each other by rope. I imagined someone’s dock had given way and the tires had been part of the weak design.
Storms in the south were fierce with hurricane winds hitting a hundred and fifty miles an hour at least once a year in these parts. There were poor folk living alongside the wealthier ones on the river. Some had shacks like me, and some had castles, but the storm didn’t give a flying fuck about your bank account. The cleanup would take weeks with the Coast Guard driving boats slowly along shore looking for bodies. I’d seen it many times before, even watched when divers dragged a decaying person from the water near the shack four years ago.
I pulled up to the dock and secured my boat. Miraculously, the Crab King restaurant had survived intact. There were a few missing shingles on the building, but I wasn’t sure if that was this year’s storm or one from a decade ago. The structure had always looked battered but the diners never cared because of the amazing food.
When I stepped off of the dock and onto the paved parking lot, I found Jamie unloading a produce truck from the local warehouse in town. Some of the roads must’ve been open if they were delivering supplies so soon. I didn’t want to seem rude and walk right by, but I also hadn’t planned on seeing him.
“Hey, Jamie,” I said, raising a hand as he turned around with a load of boxes on his dolly. “Survived the storm I see.”
He positioned the dolly and the load of boxes safely on the ground and walked up to me. “Barely,” he announced. “My parent’s roof was taken clean off yet the neighborhood wasn’t touched. What the fuck is that?”
“Yeah. That’s some shit,” I agreed. “Later, man.” I didn’t want a long conversation with him considering how the recent one had gone, so I walked away, tossing a wave over my shoulder.
“Hey, wait,” he hollered after I was twenty feet down the boardwalk. He jogged up to me, taking a few breaths before he said anything. “About the other day,” he began.
I cut him off. “No big deal, J.” I walked away for a second time because I didn’t need the excuses or the pain.
Jamie grabbed my arm so I turned toward him, looking from his hand and then to his eyes. “Why do you still wanna be like this?” he asked. “I’ve been thinking we can work on shit,” he said in his usual “I’m not good at the sensitive stuff”style. “Maybe you can come with me for my junior year and we can get an apartment or something.”
“I can’t do that, Jamie. I’m sorry but I just can’t,” I confessed.
He turned from me and stared at the water to our left. He seemed to be thinking about what to say after my rejection. “What about our blood promise?”
My eyes saucered after his question. I couldn’t believe he’d spoken the words, let alone remembered the occasion. “What the fuck?” I questioned, trying to keep my composure. “I’ll tell you the same thing you told me two years ago before you left. You said we were just kids back then. Remember that?”
His eyes narrowed and his face turned beet red. “Still stuck on that part, huh?” he hissed.
“Yeah, I kinda am. It hurt, Jamie.” After no response I took a step to leave but stopped alongside him instead. “I gotta run,” I said, noticing the truck driver from the produce company watching us. “I want good stuff for you, J. I truly do, but I’m trying to move forward now.”
